


Two Steps Behind

by Amee19



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-25 13:53:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30090084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amee19/pseuds/Amee19
Summary: It's often after losing something we realize how much it meant to us.After Lucas miscarries while he and Eliott didn't even know he was pregnant in the first place, they come to realize there might not be a perfect time to have a child so why wait?(Seriously, those who have read my previous stories know I prefer fluff over angst to this story won't be as dark as you expect)
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 110
Kudos: 69





	1. Fausse Couche (Miscarriage)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! It's me again and I'm back with a brand new Mpreg story but is anyone surprised at this point? 😅
> 
> This first chapter is probably the darkest thing I've ever written but I promise you things will get better soon ❤
> 
> (Please don't throw tomatoes at me but feel free to send me your therapy bills, I assume my responsibilities)
> 
> As always, and I could never say it enough, your support means everything to me ❤❤❤ So please let me know if you enjoyed this
> 
> Next chapter will be up within a day or two, I've got free time ahead of me

**Thursday, October 9, 2025, 14:53**

It all starts with some abdominal cramps. Nothing horrible or so painful Lucas would rather die than feel them. It doesn't make him bend over in pain or unable to focus on what he's doing. They just make him uncomfortable but he keeps listening to his teacher, pressing a hand over his stomach to try to soothe them down. On a one to ten scale of pain, he would say they're around 3 or 4 so nothing to worry about. Maybe it's something he ate? He should have listened to himself and not bought that sandwich at the cafeteria.

He had managed to never, not even once, forget his lunch back home through the four years he's been studying at the conservatory but he woke up late this morning so it was either take his lunch in the fridge or catch the bus that would get him to school right on time.

This year is his last one here though. He did his music course in three years like he's supposed to but he chose to complete a master on top of it. It couldn't hurt. Besides, by remaining a student, he could keep tutoring others which is much better than any part-time job he would have found outside of school.

Eliott had graduated three years ago and had since then made his dream of becoming a director come true. He had done two movies already and he's now working on a brand new project, a challenge as he says as it's not a movie this time but a tv show. It's still early into its pre-production phase but his boyfriend seems so excited about it that Lucas really hopes it's not going to end up in development hell.

He's pulled out of his thoughts when students around him start to pack up their things and leave, making him realize he stopped paying attention to class. At least, the teacher doesn't seem to have noticed.

His stomach protests when he stands up and he sighs, thankful that he doesn't have any more classes to attend today. It's still quite early though so Eliott is still at work for a few more hours. Maybe Lucas could go home and try to nap a little in the meantime.

As he makes his way to the subway station next to the conservatory, he promises himself to never, ever, buy anything from the cafeteria. He would rather not eat at lunch than have cramps like this again.

They make him uncomfortable through the whole way back to the apartment, even more when he stands up from his seat once he's about to reach his stop.

Yeah, a nap will be good…

He climbs up the stairs up to the third floor but doesn't unlock the door right away. Instead, he takes his keys out of his pockets and makes them jingle. Félix doesn't need much more than that to know he's home and Lucas can hear him running through the apartment, his nails chirping the floor as he makes his way over the front door. Whining, he starts scratching it and Lucas decides to not tease him for too long. He unlocks the door and he immediately finds himself with an armful of that grand beast.

As imposing as the German Shepherd might look like, Félix is the biggest baby Lucas has ever seen. Scared of loud noises, he often joins them under the covers when it's too windy or during thunderstorms. Lucas and Eliott had once theorized that it might have something to do with his former family as Félix had been found out on the streets in pretty bad shape. Sadly, rescue dogs weren't populars amongst the families who came at the shelter, wanting to adopt so he spent two years there, waiting.

However, as soon as his eyes had met Lucas and Eliott's across the room, it had been love at first sight and a few minutes later, the three of them were walking out of the building together, like a family.

That had been three years ago. Since then, Félix has made a lot of progress. He doesn't whine anymore or hide between them when they're with people he doesn't know. He also goes along with other dogs now such as the ones they meet at the park but especially Flash, Yann and Emma's Schnauzer.

"Hey big boy!" Lucas greets him, scratching his head, right behind his ears, a spot he particularly likes. "Did you miss me today?"

Félix barks, excitedly wagging his tail around and Lucas chuckles.

"Come on now," he says once Félix lets go of him. "Let's go take a nap!"

He kicks off his shoes and makes his way to the bedroom with the dog in tow. He sets his backpack down on top of the desk and throws his hoodie as well as his jeans and socks into the laundry basket, leaving him only with a t-shirt and his boxers. He lays down onto the bed, slipping under the covers before patting the mattress besides him.

"Come," he tells Félix who immediately jumps, laying down next to him.

As Lucas begins to drift into sleep, he feels Félix resting his head against his abdomen, exactly where he feels the most cramped.

***

Another day well done! A few years ago, Eliott never would have thought he would love working on a TV project so much. He had always been so focused on movies he had never even considered that he could ever direct a TV show someday.

It's still early though and they've still got a long way to go before he can start thinking about filming though. They're currently writing the script of the season which is about halfway done now. Then, it has to be approved by the network. Afterwards, they've got to find actors and only then they will begin filming which shouldn't happen for a few more months at best.

But there's a bright side to it though. Lucas will be done with school by that time so Eliott will get to ask him for a song on the show, he's already made it clear with the producers.

As soon as he opens the door, he's immediately greeted by Félix who licks every part of his face he can reach.

"I'm happy to see you too buddy!" Eliott chuckles, petting him.

He gives the dog all the attention he wants and once Félix lets him go, he takes off his shoes and walks into the apartment, looking for his boyfriend. All lights are off which is odd but Lucas' own shoes are by the door so he must be home.

He quietly tiptoes through the apartment into their bedroom and smiles to himself when he finds the younger man asleep, buried under the blankets.

It's still early. Dinner can wait a little longer so Eliott takes off his shirt, throwing it aside and walks around the bed so he can spoon his boyfriend from behind and get some rest too.

However, when he opens the covers to slip in next to him, he nearly screams and stumbles a few steps backward. He feels all the color draining from his face as his hands start shaking. There's blood underneath Lucas. Not enough for him to believe he's currently bleeding out but enough to be worrying.

"Lucas!" he calls out as he gets back around the bed so he's facing his boyfriend. "Lucas, baby, please! Wake up!"

He grabs the younger man's shoulder and shakes it quite harshly but it has the expected effect and Lucas opens his eyes, visibly confused.

"What?" he sleepily mumbles. "What's wrong?"

He begins the sit up but then he groans, clutching at his stomach, complaining about those "stupid cramps".

"Lucas," Eliott starts slowly, his voice trembling. "I want you to stay calm, okay?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" his boyfriend swears. "You're worrying-"

He doesn't finish his sentence though as he sets himself free from of his coccoon of blankets and notices the same thing than Eliott did. His face falls and he looks back to the older man with panic in his eyes.

"Eliott!" he begs in a pleading tone.

"We're going to the hospital!" Eliott says, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

He has no idea of what this shit is but now he's just terrified he's going to lose Lucas.

***

As soon as they get to the ER, the nurses direct him to a private room and tell them the doctor will be with them soon. In the meantime, Lucas lays down on the examination table with one hand over his stomach while Eliott stays standing up next to him, clutching at his hand. They're both doing an horrible job at holding back their tears which are rolling down their cheeks.

Thankfully, they don't have to wait much before a woman with a white coat over blue scrubs walks into the room. She greets politely and takes a look at the file in her hand.

"Lucas Lallemant?" she wonders, looking back to him.

He nods as she immediately pushes the file aside, turning her full attention to him.

"I'm Dr. Laurent!" she introduces herself as she puts on a pair of gloves. "What happened?"

"I've been having cramps all afternoon," he starts explaining, taking in a deep breath. "I thought at first it was something I ate so when I got back to our apartment, I went to bed. I woke up when he got home from work and that's when we saw I had bled all over our sheets so we came right here."

He can almost hear the wheels spinning in her head as she tries to find what's wrong with him.

"No nauseas or vomiting?" she asks to which he shakes his head. "No known diseases?"

"Nothing at all!"

Something then flashes across her face but it's gone before he gets to ask her what she's thinking about.

"It's going to seem like a ridiculous question to two young men in their twenties like you but are you sexually active?"

Besides him, Eliott chokes and Lucas squeezes his hand in reassurance.

"We are," he answers, a bit lost as of what does it have to do with him bleeding.

It's not like they've ever been rough that he could have teared something while they were having sex.

"And are you being safe?"

"I'm on birth control," he answers, killing two birds with one stone as he's also informing her he's a carrier. "We used to use condoms a few years ago but we got tested and since we were both negative, we stopped."

"You think this could be a STD?" Eliott worries but as he says so, Lucas realizes what Dr. Laurent is considering and he feels like someone poured a bucket of ice cold water all over him.

He catches her eyes and despite neither of them saying a word, he understands that they're thinking about the exact same thing.

"I'm going to take blood to run some tests," she starts explaining as she unlocks a drawer and gets a syringe out of it. "Just to make sure but have either of you ever heard of a chemical miscarriage?"

The words make Lucas feel like the ground has opened and swallowed him whole. He believes it's the one of the things no one ever wants to be asked by a doctor. But it's not possible! He's not pregnant! He's not! He would know!

"Miscarriage?" Eliott repeats after her, shaking his head in disbelief. "But how? He wasn't pregnant!"

But then he freezes and turns his head to look at Lucas, fear dripping from his eyes.

"You weren't pregnant, weren't you?" he asks, his voice shaking.

The younger man immediately shakes his head and squeezes his hand. He gets the question though because what if he had been pregnant and didn't told him yet because he was scared of his reaction or something. But that's not it. He wasn't pregnant! He would have known…

"A chemical miscarriage usually happens within the five weeks following the conception," Dr. Laurent explains with a sigh. "Most people didn't even know they were pregnant when it happens. It's usually caused by a malformation in the embryo. Sometimes, there's absolutely no symptoms and people won't even know they suffered from one."

"Five weeks," Lucas whispers as he tries to recall those last five weeks.

Even after years together, they still have sex on a daily basis so it's not impossible at all his pills weren't effective once. But that would mean…

"I lost it?" he asks, feeling his eyes well up in tears once again. "There's nothing you can do?"

The woman shakes her head and sighs.

"Sadly no. Like I said, it's often due to a malformation in the embryo. It couldn't have developed properly so your body took the decision to not keep it to prevent further complications that could have been dangerous for you."

The realization of what happened seem to fall down upon Eliott who lets out a choked sob as he wraps his arms around Lucas, pulling him close. The younger man can't tell exactly what he's feeling though. It's too much at the same time. Disappointment, fear, sadness, heartbreak but also anger, anger aimed at himself.

Thirty minutes ago he didn't even know he had been pregnant and now he wants to cry all the tears he's got inside of his body for this baby he and Eliott would never get to hold in their arms. Isn't it hypocrite to cry for someone he would never know? Besides, had he not have a miscarriage, when he would have learned he was pregnant, he would have freaked out. Is that why Félix had cuddled up his stomach earlier? Had he somehow felt there was a little human being in there?

"We're going to run some blood tests at the lab to get the confirmation but if the bleeding doesn't increase by then, you should be discharged by the end of the night. Until then, we're going to give you a proper room. You will need to rest and to hydrate properly in the next few days to let your body heal. I'm also going to give you a prescription for some supplements in iron and vitamins. It's also-"

But he's no longer listening to her. All he can hear is a loud buzzing in his ears, like static. He's vaguely aware of Eliott sniffing and wiping his eyes, intently paying attention to what she's saying which is a good thing because Lucas doubts he will remember anything. He just wants to forget about the last hour.

That's all he's asking for…

***

He doesn't get to forget it though. He's discharged from the hospital a few hours later after the results from the lab came back and showed that he did have a miscarriage. Eliott and him have barely spoken to each other since the examination room. Through the evening, a nurse came and checked on his vital and around midnight, Dr. Laurent came back and told them that since the bleeding had almost stopped already and that since Lucas' situation didn't require any more medical assistance, he was free to go. Before letting him go though, she insisted on giving him numbers he could call if he ever needed to talk about what happened.

He nearly teared the paper in two but Eliott took it from his hands before he could do so and thanked her for what she'd done. Lucas had to bite his tongue to not snap about she didn't do anything, that he's lost the baby but a little voice in the back of his head reminds him that she has nothing to do with his miscarriage.

Even in the car on the way home, neither of them speaks but the silence is too heavy for him to bear so he turns on the radio with the volume high enough to dissuade his boyfriend to try to have a conversation with him.

But once they've reached their building, climbed up the stairs and walked into the apartment, he's got no music to hide behind anymore.

But Eliott doesn't get to say a single as Félix comes in running, quite visibly happy to see them both come back but Lucas is not in the mood.

"No!" he snaps harshly as he tries to climb them like he usually does. "Down!"

Surprised by his tone, Félix immediately does as he's being told and sits, looking up to him with his big sad eyes, whining as if he was asking Lucas to forgive him and the last thing he needs to add on top of the mess he's feeling inside is guilt so he passes by Félix, not giving him a second look.

"Lucas wait!" Eliott stops him, taking his hand in his. "Don't you think we should talk about it?"

"What is there to talk about?" he asks rudely, ripping his hand out of Eliott's hold. "I lost this baby and there's nothing we could do or say that would bring it back!"

Hurt flashes through the older man's eyes and he sighs.

"So what? Are we just going to act like nothing happened? To pretend everything is alright?"

"Do whatever the fuck you want!" Lucas snaps, throwing his hands up. "All I know is that I'm going to bed now! Don't feel like you need to join me!"

He turns around as Eliott calls after him, begs him to stay but the younger man just makes his way to their bedroom, determined to go to sleep and to hopefully wake up and realize the last few hours have been a nightmare. However, as he turns the lights of the room on, he freezes on the spot. Bile rises up in his throat and his chest starts heaving, making it hard for him to breathe. He had forgotten about this.

They had been in such a rush to go to the hospital earlier they hadn't taken the time to take the blood stained sheets off the bed and now he finds himself staring at them. It's his blood there. It wasn't just a nightmare, he knows it. It was real. All of it was real. The blood, the cramps, the hospital, the baby…

He must have made a sound without even realizing because out of sudden, he finds himself wrapped in Eliott's arms who rubs his back and kisses his temple, telling to breathe, reminding him that he needs to breathe and that's what breaks Lucas. That Eliott remains so gentle despite what happened, despite Lucas snapping at him, the younger man breaks into tears, clutching at his boyfriend.

"I'm sorry!" he apologizes over and over again to the older man. "I'm so fucking sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't know! I swear I didn't! I didn't mean to lose it! I didn't mean to kill our baby!"

But Eliott immediately shakes his head and pulls back so he can cup Lucas' cheeks and brush away the tears.

"It's okay!" he reassures him with a smile although he's crying too. "It's okay, my love! I know you didn't know! And you didn't kill the baby! You heard what the doctor said! The embryo wasn't viable. It wouldn't have developed properly and it could have had major consequences on you!"

"But it is my fault!" Lucas sobs as more tears keep rolling down his face. "If I hadn't drank those beers last weekend with the boys, maybe our baby would still be alive right now and maybe-"

"You don't know that!" Eliott interrupts him firmly, shaking his head again. "It's not the three or four beers you had with them that killed it. Some people keep drinking through the whole pregnancy and they still carry their baby almost to term! My own mom is a doctor too and she sometimes drank wine while pregnant with me and I'm alive today! It's not your fault, Lucas and I'm never going to let you feel guilty for that, okay? Never!"

And as much as he's not so sure about it all, he does trust Eliott with all his heart so he nods weakly.

"Okay," he whispers in a breath. "Okay."

His boyfriend then briefly lets go of him to rip the stained sheets off the mattress and throw them into a corner of the room. Then, he pulls some new ones out of the drawer and makes the bed as quickly as he can while Lucas watches from the side before pulling the younger man into his arms again.

"Let's go to bed, okay?" he offers, kissing Lucas' forehead. "We'll talk tomorrow."

Lucas nods again, with a little more confidence this time and they both strip down to their underwear before laying down on the freshly made bed. Eliott pulls the covers over them and wraps his arms tightly around him from behind. He can feel his boyfriend's hesitation as to where to put his hands, that maybe Lucas doesn't want him to touch his stomach but the younger man doesn't care so he takes Eliott's hands and places them over his belly.

"I love you," his boyfriend whispers against his neck, kissing it. "I love you so much, Lucas. I'm right here! No matter what, I'm right here! I'm not going anywhere."

It happened and even though there's no way to erase tonight from their memories, at least they've got each other and for a brief moment, Dr. Laurent can't be sure exactly how far along he was, less than a month, they even had a baby. Maybe he shouldn't try to forget it. This embryo, no matter how small he was, was their child. So without forgetting it, they need to look forward.

Together


	2. Le Jour D'après (The Day After)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I haven't traumatized you guys yet ❤❤❤ I know it might seem dark right now but as always there's light coming ahead, I promise ❤
> 
> Thank you guys so much for your support 🥰
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter and tell me what you thought in the comments. Should I continue?
> 
> Stay safe and have a good morning/afternoon/evening/night ❤

**Friday, October 10, 2025, 7:13**

Eliott is confused when he wakes up the next morning. He can't help but hope it's all been a nightmare. However, when he notices they've slept in their burgundy set of sheets rather than the blue and white one they usually use, he knows it was all real.

It was real…

Lucas was pregnant, pregnant with their baby, but he's had a miscarriage and he's lost it…

Tears well up in his eyes and he needs to get some air. He kisses the back of Lucas' neck, pouring all of his love into the kiss, before carefully untangling himself from his boyfriend. He gets off the bed and grabs his sweatpants from the where he threw them on the floor the night before before tiptoeing out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He puts on the pants and ventures further down the apartment. He finds Félix laying down on the couch but already awake. He rolls onto his belly but doesn't come up to him, probably because of how Lucas snapped the night before.

"He didn't mean it," he tries to reassure the dog, kneeling down next to the couch and running his hands through his fur. "Something happened and that's why Lucas was like that last night but he still loves you, Félix, I promise."

His ears perk up at Lucas' name and Eliott finds himself smiling a little.

"He's going to need us in the next few weeks so you can keep being a good boy for him?"

It's not like he's expecting him to reply but the look in his big black eyes is enough of an answer for him.

"Come on now!" he tells him as he stands up. "Let's go outside!"

Félix immediately jumps off the couch and follows Eliott to the front door, waiting as the man puts on his shoes and grabs a jacket from one of the hooks, not bothering to zip it up. Then, he ties the leash to Félix's collar and the two walk out of the apartment, making their way down the stairs and out of the building.

Félix doesn't wait before he starts sniffing around, looking for a good spot to relieve himself and while he's busy, Eliott takes his opportunity to get his phone out, scrolling down his contacts until he finds Xavier, the main writer of the script whom he's supposed to meet at work in less than 45 minutes. But there's no way he's going to leave Lucas' side after the night they've had yesterday.

"Hey!" Xavier greets as he picks up after the second ring. "What's so urgent it couldn't wait an hour until we saw each other?"

But right as Eliott is about to answer, the weight of the last twelve hours finally gets to him and he accidentally lets out a sob, causing him to mentally slap himself.

"Eliott?" Xavier worries at the other end of the line. "Eliott? What's going on?"

"Sorry!" he immediately apologizes, clearing his throat before wiping the tears off his eyes. "Sorry! Sorry! Last night has been horrible and I can't make it to work today! I-"

"Breathe, Eliott! Breathe! You don't have to apologize! Take today off! Next week too if you need! Don't worry! I'll tell the team something came up! But if you need anything, I'm just a call away, okay?"

Twenty four hours ago, he was just thinking of how close to perfect his and Lucas' life were. And now, he feels like someone has ripped his heart out of his chest and crushed it.

They had a baby, no matter how small it was, that little thing was their child. His and Lucas'. A little being that was half him, half Lucas, that had been created out of their love for each other. A baby they would freaked out about but ultimately loved more than anything.

But now it's not going to happen…

He truly doesn't blame Lucas. Dr. Laurent said it. There's nothing they could have done to prevent it from happening. The embryo was doomed right from its conception. Had it survived any longer, Lucas could have been in danger. Hemorrhage, infections, death. Eliott doesn't even want to imagine what could have happened to his boyfriend.

As much as he wants a baby, he would never accept Lucas' life to be in danger because of a pregnancy. Never! He would rather never have a child than to risk Lucas' health.

It takes him a moment to calm down, taking in deep breaths, but eventually, his chest stops heaving and he starts breathing normally again. He opens his eyes and finds Félix sitting by his feet, looking up to him.

"Sorry buddy!" he apologizes, petting him. "Sorry for worrying you."

Barking, Félix sits up and rests both of his front legs on Eliott, standing up on his hind legs before licking his face, making it clear he's forgiven him.

"I'm sure you would have been such a good boy for the baby," he whispers sadly. "Wouldn't you? Watching over them? And later, you would have played with them? Let them chase you around the apartment?"

He imagines a little toddler looking like him and Lucas crawling around the living room, giggling loudly as they would try to catch Félix.

But it's not like it's never going to happen though. This time wasn't the right one but someday, it will be. Someday, Lucas will get pregnant again and this time because they've actively tried. This time, the embryo will get to properly develop and soon, his boyfriend will start to show. Eliott will work on the nursery, building up the furniture with Idriss and Sofiane's help and painting the walls, filling up the closet and the drawers with toys and clothes. And then after a few months, they would welcome their child into the world.

The thought brings more tears to his eyes but he shakes his head. He can't change what happened yesterday but he can take care of his boyfriend today. He had never seen Lucas the way he was when they came home from the hospital last night. Not just heartbroken but destroyed on the inside. Literally and figuratively. Eliott can't begin to imagine how it must feel like for him. He's the one who was carrying the baby after all…

"Let's go back inside!" he tells Félix who follows him as he makes his way to the door.

Together, they climb up the stairs two at the time and once they're back inside the apartment, Eliott gives him a big bone to chew on before he walks into the bedroom, finding Lucas looking like he just woke up.

"Hey," the older man greets him softly, sitting down besides him on the bed. "Did you slept well?"

But Lucas just shrugs and yawns as he slowly sits up. There's an emptiness in his eyes Eliott wishes he could erase but what they need now is time.

"I brought Félix outside before he could pee in the living room," he explains, wanting his boyfriend to understand why he wasn't there next to him in bed. "It's past 7. He never lasts that long usually."

Most days, he's the one to wake them up around 6 in the morning, licking their faces and pawing at their chests until one decides to get dressed and get him out which is Eliott 90% of the time. He doesn't mind though. He's always been a morning person. Besides, if they don't get him out on time, he can't hold himself back anymore and Félix ends up having a little accident on the floor. At least, there's no carpet in the apartment, just wooden floors and tiles in the bathroom.

"I need to get ready for school," Lucas suddenly says, making a move to get up but Eliott is quicker and wraps his arms around him.

"Are you serious?" he asks, sounding a little more impatient than he would have liked. "You need to rest! Dr. Laurent told you!"

His works seem to sink down on his boyfriend who deflates as different emotions flash through his eyes before settling on realization.

"True," he agrees, slowly nodding before giving a tired and sad smile to Eliott. "Sorry. You're right. I forgot."

The older man sighs and pulls him into a tight hug. As soon as Lucas' head is resting on his shoulder, he breaks into tears, clutching at the jacket Eliott is wearing.

"I'm sorry!" he starts apologizing again. "I'm so fucking sorry! I didn't mean to yell at you or at Félix! I didn't mean to lose our baby! I didn't mean to-"

"Stop," Eliott asks him in a pleading tone, feeling himself tearing up again. "You didn't do anything wrong! I swear, you didn't! And Félix still loves you! I do too! I love you so much, Lucas!"

Shaking like a leaf in his arms, Lucas nods and chokes on a sob.

"I love you too, Eliott! I love you! Thank you for being here!"

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he reassures him, kissing his boyfriend's temple.

And he means it. Lucas' side is where he's meant to be.

***

Later that day, during the afternoon, Lucas starts to realize that the blood loss might be affecting him more now that his body is no longer running on adrenaline. He feels light-headed, a bit dizzy too and there's a slight tremble in his hands that just won't go away. So he asks Eliott to go get him the pills Dr. Laurent prescribed but his boyfriend seems reticent to leave him on his own.

"I could call and get them delivered instead?" he suggests and that overprotectivness makes Lucas smiles a little as he shakes his head.

"They do it for prescriptions they've already got in their files and it's just a renewal like your meds," he explains him, already having used the delivery service once Eliott was at the peak of a manic episode and Lucas wanted to stay home to distract from going out. "They won't do it for something new like that."

He can always hear the wheels turning in his boyfriend's head as he tries to come up with a solution.

"I can call Idriss so he can go get them for us!" Eliott offers. "Or he can come here and keep you company while I'm gone!"

On any other day, Lucas would probably have reminded a bit harshly that he doesn't need someone to watch over him 24/7, that he can be left alone for thirty minutes, but today, the attention makes him feel...soft. He truly appreciates how caring Eliott is trying to be right now.

"He will ask us questions," he reminds the older man, shaking his head. "And I don't feel like telling anyone about what happened. At least, not yet."

Eliott opens his mouth, probably to suggest another idea but Lucas is faster and takes his hands in his, squeezing them.

"It won't even take half an hour," he points out, bumping their foreheads together. "I'll be fine on my own for thirty minutes. Besides, I'd like it if you could stop buying ice cream on the way back."

He gives his boyfriend his best pleading look and just by the way Eliott sighs, Lucas already knows he won.

"Let me guess," the older man starts in a slightly teasing tone. "Cookies and cream?"

"You know me too well," he tells him, brushing their noses against each other's.

So after kissing him, making Lucas promise about a dozen times to call him if there was any problem and trying and failing to make Félix swear to keep an eye on him, Eliott recluantly leaves, assuring him he'll be back as quickly as he can.

Once the door closes behind his boyfriend, Lucas realizes it's the first time since last night that he's alone. Well, not completely at least.

Thanfully, Félix seemed to had forgiven him for snapping at him the night before if the way he's currently cuddling him on the bed is anything to go by. Lucas had still profusely apologized to him, reminding him he loved him a lot and that he was such a good boy for looking out for him like that.

Now though, with him laying on his back, showing his belly for Lucas to scratch, Félix seems to have completely forgotten about what happened. However, as Lucas pets him the way he likes, his other hand comes to rest over his own stomach and another wave of sadness hits him.

In other circumstances, had he not miscarried and Dr. Laurent would have announced them he was pregnant the night before, he and Eliott would have spent the day talking to their baby, rambling about how much they already loved them. Because no matter how unexpected the pregnancy would have been, there's no way they would have decided to not keep the baby. The timing isn't exactly perfect with him having a year left of school but they would have managed.

Suddenly, as dizzy as he feels, he can't stay in bed any longer. He pushes the covers off him and stands up, making his way around the bed so he's facing the mirror. He hastily gets rid of his t-shirt, throwing it aside, before taking a good look at himself.

It's not like he had been pregnant long enough to show or even gain weight. He doesn't even know what he's looking for actually. Anything that could have about him recently, any hint they might have missed but he finds himself looking no different than he's been looking since high school except for the music clef he got tattooed on his right forearm after finishing his third year at the conservatory, when he got his first diploma.

He can't help but lay his hand back over his belly, wondering what he would look like with a bump, if his pregnancy would show somewhere else on his body and not just because of his stomach. Maybe on his ass or his thighs. What's that old wives tale he remembers hearing? If you don't look pregnant from the back and all the weight is in your belly, it means a boy? And if you look pregnant from every angle then it's a girl? He's not sure but it was something like this.

Not that it would be useful to him right now anyway considering…

He miscarried. He was pregnant and lost the baby. It's not just "what happened". He had a miscarriage. But it's not a permanent state of things! It wasn't meant to happen just yet but it will! He will get pregnant again and this time, everything's going to be alright!

Sighing, he turns himself to the side and pushes his stomach out as much as he can, his hand still resting protectively over it. The bump it makes is quite small but it does make him look like pregnant. Maybe three months along? Four? He doesn't know. It's not like he ever did research on pregnancy before. Not at least since he was twelve and the doctor explained to him he was a carrier.

He never thought though he would ever push his stomach out like that to look pregnant and would smile at his reflection all while tears well up in his eyes again.

Why did he have to lose the baby? Why? How is that fair? He hadn't expected to get pregnant but now he would love to be! He would love to be carrying his and Eliott's baby right now! He would love to have them slowly growing inside him!

He just wishes he was still pregnant…

***

***

Eliott ends up throwing the blood stained sheets. Even if they somehow managed to clean them, he doesn't think either of them could ever sleep in them again. Lucas couldn't even look at them so the older man puts them in a bag he throws in the trash outside.

Then, he takes Félix out again for his last pee of the night and the three of them go to bed. It's quite early but they both need the rest. Rather than to spoon his boyfriend though, he lays down facing him so they can look at each other. He throws one arm protectively over Lucas' waist and cups his face with the other hand, tenderly stroking his cheek. He bumps their foreheads together and sighs.

"Do you want to talk?" he offers.

And much to his surprise, Lucas nods, wrapping his own arms around Eliott.

"I wish we could be having a baby," he confesses, his voice barely above a whisper. "I wish I hadn't lost them."

"Me too," Eliott tells him, nodding which makes their noses brush against each other's.

He doesn't know what else he's supposed to say. The last thing is to make Lucas feel guilty about it when there's nothing his boyfriend could have done.

"I'm not going to school next week," the younger man eventually says after a few minutes of silence. "I think I need some time."

"I'm not going to work either," Eliott reassures him. "We're going to stay together and we're going to get through this together."

Lucas nods and looks back at Eliott. There's something nearly relieving in his big blue eyes. They're not shining like they usually do, that will take a while for that spark of mischief to come back, but they're not devoid of any emotion like they were earlier. They're sad, red from how much he's been crying today, but there's life in them now.

They just got to give themselves some time. Miscarriage is not just something they can get over in a few hours. For now, all they can do is take things as they come. Healing from loss is not a linear progression. There will be good days but there will bad ones too. They just have to let time do its work.

Minute by minute


	3. Deuil (Grief)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who knew you guys were so thirsty for angst?😋 I didn't think I was and yet I'm absolutely loving writing this ❤❤❤
> 
> I promise though things will start to get better for the boys. They just need time to grieve 🖤
> 
> So let me know what you think down in the comments, believe me when I say it makes my day and encourage me to write ❤❤❤
> 
> So please stay safe and have a good morning/afternoon/evening/night wherever you are ❤
> 
> Ps, are you satisfied with the current format? Short chapters but daily updates?

**Saturday, October 18, 2025, 11:26**

***

Arthur might have joked about it earlier but it does feel like they're back in high school, hanging out just the four of them together, especially at the Buttes Chaumont even though the last time they were here is far from being a good memory.

It was on Valentine's Day during their last year of high school and it ended up with Arthur storming off after Lucas had said something stupid about his deafness being all they've been talking about. They had make up a few days later when they went to the farm of Basile's grandfather. Lucas had apologized and Arthur had admitted he hadn't been much better the year before when he was the one having problems to deal with.

Thankfully, they've all grown since then so he doubts today will end with a fight again. They're sitting down in the grass next to the lake, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Basile tells them about how things are going at the restaurant he works at, Yann complains about how he's been working at the news station for two years now and yet they still treat him like he was still doing his internship and Arthur explains how astrophysics are tougher than he had imagined but that he's still proud of the path he chose to follow.

However, Lucas is only half listening to them, instead focusing on the little family who are always a picnic not so far from them. There's the parents with one of the two guys sporting a baby bump, looking like he's nearly due as well as a toddler, a little girl with long blond hair who's playing football with her other dad.

He can't help but imagine himself and Eliott at their place and he throws aside the dandelion he had been absently playing with.

"Lucas?" Yann worries as he places a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?"

Finally looking away from the family, he turns his attention back to his friends and finds the three of them staring at him with worry written all over their face. He's tempted to lie to them, to pretend he's just tired, that he's going to be fine but then, as if he was reading his thoughts, his best friend squeezes his shoulder.

"Remember what you promised me?" he adds, looking right into Lucas' eyes.

He does remember. How could he have forgotten?

Don't you ever go through something like that without telling me, Lucas!

I promise!

He doubts a miscarriage was what Yann had in mind back then but it's this memory that makes him realize he needs to be honest with him, with his friends.

"I went to the hospital last Thursday night," he confesses as he looks down, wrapping his arms around his knees, pulling them close to his chest.

He hears the three of them gasping but he just wants to let the truth out once and for all so he doesn't give them time to ask any questions and just keeps speaking.

"I had been having cramps and then I started bleeding so we didn't want to take any chance so we went straight to the hospital and once we got there, the doctor-"

He briefly stops, taking in a deep breath and Arthur rubs his arm, like trying to reassure him.

"She told me I was having a miscarriage."

As soon as the words come out of his mouth, he feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders but it only lasts for a second before he finds himself in the middle of a group hug, nearly tumbling backwards with the strength of the impact.

"Shit!"

"Fuck!"

"I'm so fucking sorry!"

He can't tell who says what but he feels hands rubbing soothing circles on his back, someone gently playing with his hair and it doesn't take him much more to start crying again. He had been getting better this week but it's also the first time he has to say it out loud since he lost the baby.

It takes the guys several minutes before they pull back but even then, they don't completely let go of him. Yann keeps holding his neck while Arthur rubs his back and Basile takes one of his hands, squeezing it.

"I know it's the most boring and cliché sentence in history and that it won't do anything and that it's probably the last thing you want to hear but my condolences," Basile starts before Arthur frowns and slaps the back of his head.

Then, he turns his attention back to Lucas who has never seen him looking so devastated in the years he's known him.

"Sorry doesn't even begin to cover it," he tells him, shaking his head. "Fuck! Lucas, shit! I don't even know what I'm supposed to say!"

"If there's anything we can do," Yann finishes, "and I mean absolutely anything, we're right there, Lu! No matter what it is, we're here for you! And for Eliott too!"

Lucas can feel a lump forming in his throat and he doesn't trust himself to talk so he nods and gives them what he hopes to be a smile but probably looks more like a grimace before he breaks into another round of tears and the boys are quick to pull him back into another hug, as if shielding him from the outside world.

In another universe, they would probably be screaming and cheering at the top of their lungs that they're going to be uncles before arguing about who would be the godfather.

Instinctively, his hand comes up to rest over his belly and he sighs as he pulls back this time. He wipes his eyes with his other hand and sighs.

"I didn't even know I was pregnant," he confesses, rubbing his abdomen. "The doctor just said I was less than five weeks along."

"Had you been trying for a baby?" Basile wonders, barely dodging another slap on the back of the head by Arthur and looking away from the reprimanding look on Yann's face. "I'm just asking if it was an accident or did you want to get pregnant?"

Lucas shrugs, not exactly sure of what difference it makes.

"It was an accident," he admits.

"Then maybe it's better this way," he says, immediately completing his sentence when he sees the horror flashing across their faces. "Not that it's a good thing you lost the baby but I read somewhere that like 40 percent of women and carriers might have a miscarriage through their life, sometimes not even realizing it. So if it was meant to happen to you someday, isn't it better than it happened after you accidentally got pregnant rather than in a few years after you will have tried to have a baby and even thought of names for them and grown attached to them already?"

His suggestion causes an uproar amongst Yann who starts scolding him for how horrible it is to say something like that while Arthur looks like he's about to strangle him, telling him that if there ever was a moment for him to shut the fuck up, that was it. However, Lucas remains silent, thinking about what his friend just said.

It's true that the words he chose weren't exactly the best but he does get the meaning behind them and he's tempted to agree. If he was somehow predestined to miscarry once in his life, he would rather do it now than in a year or two after having actively tried to get pregnant. He already feels like shit today so he can't even begin to imagine how he would be like if they had been trying for a baby and he had already found out he was pregnant before miscarrying.

Basile might be onto something…

***

Eliott had made sure with Lucas beforehand that he could tell Idriss and Sofiane and his boyfriend had assured him it was alright as long as they didn't go around and tell everyone. They would do so themselves when they would be ready but not now. Now, they just want to talk with their best friends.

So he invited Idriss and Sofiane over to the apartment while Lucas was out. He had suggested that maybe they should do the opposite so that Lucas could stay home while he would go on a walk or to a coffee shop but his boyfriend had insisted he was going crazy by staying at their place. He hadn't gone out all week, resting like Dr. Laurent had prescribed while Eliott had at least went grocery shopping and took Félix out on a short walk every day.

It's just a little past 13 when someone knocks on the front door. Eliott opens it and smiles tiredly at his two best friends.

"Hey guys!" he greets them as he lets them inside.

"Hi," Sofiane tells him softly, patting his shoulder.

"It's good to see you," Idriss says, gently ruffling his hair.

He sighs and follows them back into the apartment, watching as they're being greeted by Félix who jumps on them, trying to lick their faces. He knows what they must have thought when he declined their offers to hang out all week; that he was having an episode or something. He doesn't blame them for jumping to conclusions though considering this often is the reason why he isolates himself sometimes for a week or two at worst but he wants to be honest with them.

"Sorry for having ignored you lately," he apologizes as he sits down at the kitchen table and they imitate him, sitting on the other side, facing him. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Don't worry," Sofiane reassures him, shaking his head. "It's all forgotten! I'd take a beer since you're offering."

Eliott's heart does a little somersault in his chest at the mention of beers and he finds himself looking down to his lap, remembering last Sunday evening.

It was the first time Lucas had started to complain about being on bed rest. He had get up, claiming he was feeling like a complete piece of shit by laying down, being useless and Eliott's heart had just broken too much at it for him to even try to convince his boyfriend to stay in bed. Instead, he had stood there and watched Lucas get up, saying he was going to prepare them something for dinner. But then, he had opened the fridge and Eliott had seen the anger as well as the guilt filling up his eyes because one of the shelves, there were still some beers left from the last time Yann, Basile and Arthur had came over for a games night. The same beers Lucas blamed for the miscarriage.

Tears of frustration gathered up in his eyes and his boyfriend ended up emptying them all in the kitchen sink all while promising out loud but mostly to himself he would never, ever drink again. And it hadn't sounded like an empty promise to Eliott. He knew Lucas well enough to know his boyfriend could be quite stubborn when he wanted to and that no matter what anyone would say, even though Dr. Laurent had said his miscarriage was due to a malformation of the embryo, a part of the younger man would always blame the alcohol for it.

"Eliott?" Idriss wonders, reaching over the table, shaking his shoulder gently and pulling him out of his thoughts. "Eliott, buddy? Are you okay?"

"I didn't have an episode," he explains, looking back up to his two best friends on the other side of the table. "It's not why I've been ignoring you."

Worry flashes across their faces and before they can ask questions, Eliott decides to take a dive and tell them the whole truth.

"Lucaa ended up at the hospital last Thursday night. I came home from work and I found him napping. I thought he was just tired so I wanted to join him but then I pulled back the blankets and I saw all the blood so we went right to the hospital. The doctor asked him some questions and she told us he was having a miscarriage."

Idriss and Sofiane's eyes grow wide while they both start gaping but Eliott doesn't stop.

"We didn't even know he was pregnant for fuck sake!" he explains, sinking back into his chair and running his hands through his hair, nearly pullling at it out of frustration as all the emotions he felt that night come back to him. "We hadn't been trying, it just happened! The doctor said there was nothing they could do, Lucas had lost our baby."

Saying those words out loud is what breaks him, making him choke on a sob and he immediately finds himself pulled into a hug by Idriss and Sofiane.

"It's now what was supposed to happen," he cries out in their arms, clutching at their shirts. "It's not fair! I didn't even get to talk to our baby! It wasn't planned but we would have managed! We would have made it work but now our baby is dead!"

His friends hug him even tighter at that, trying to soothe him down but nothing works, he cries and sobs for what seems to last forever and by the time he has no tears left to cry, he feels completely empty, devoid of energy.

He can't even do anything as Idriss manhandles him until he's sitting down on the couch while Sofiane brings him a glass of water that Eliott gulps down.

He wonders if he will ever fill that hole that Dr. Laurent's diagnosis dug out in his chest or if it's just something he will have to learn to live with like his disorder.

"Shit, Eliott!" Idriss swears after he and Sofiane have had a moment to let the news sink in. "I'm so fucking sorry, man!"

"How is Lucas holding up?" Sofiane wonders as he keeps rubbing his back.

He sighs and shrugs, looking back down to his lap.

"He feels guilty," he explains, shaking his head. "As if it was somehow his fault even though the doctor said there was nothing anyone could have done, that there was a malformation in the embryo and that it could have been dangerous for Lucas if he hadn't miscarried."

A thought then passes through his mind but he tries to shake himself out of it. The last thing he wants when they will have kids is for his boyfriend to be at risk of complications and he believes Lucas would feel the same, not wanting to risk his life. Or at least he used to. He's not so sure about it anymore. After a miscarriage, he doesn't think Lucas could live if he ended up losing another baby. Even if it meant putting himself at risk. Even if the doctor was saying the pregnancy was risky. Even if the doctor suggested an abortion to prevent complications for him…

Lucas would never go through it. He'd rather risk his life than lose another baby...

Suddenly, he just feels so, so, so exhausted. He closes his eyes and rests his head on Idriss' shoulder. His friends are silent for a moment after that but eventually, Sofiane clears his throat and Eliott opens his eyes, looking at him.

"For what it's worth," he starts off softly, "I know one day you're going to be awesome parents and those kids are going to be the luckiest ones in the world. This time wasn't the right one but it will be someday and you can be sure we're going to be those overprotective, annoying brothers-in-law to Lucas, making sure he doesn't overdo himself and take care of our little niece or nephew."

Eliott can't help but chuckle tiredly as he imagines them following his boyfriend around.

"I'm sure you can count on Yann, Basile and Arthur to do the same," Idriss points out. "But Sof is right! It didn't work out this time but it will in the future! Soon enough, there will be a little army of mini you and mini Lucas running around! You won't even know where to put them!"

Snorting, he shakes his head but he does find himself smiling a little. He doesn't want "an army" of children and he doubts this is what his boyfriend wants either. Two at least. Three would be nice too. He wouldn't be against four either. But definitely not an army.

Right now though, he'd take one.

Just one.

But not with Lucas' life at stake…

***

Later that day, after they've had dinner and Eliott did the dishes, refusing for Lucas to even stand up from the couch and telling him to enjoy the end of the movie which honestly sucked, they find themselves showering together. It's not foreplay for something coming up later. Lucas is not the mood and he knows his boyfriend isn't either. Besides, he's still supposed to take it easy and Eliott would never go against what Dr. Laurent said about Lucas being on bed rest.

No. That shower is more about their need for comfort after an emotionally draining day. There's nowhere Lucas feels safer than when he's wrapped in Eliott's arms while he knows his boyfriend loves the intimacy of showering together.

The younger man nearly moans out loud when he feels the hot water running down his body and he melts in Eliott's embrace, throwing his head back onto his boyfriend's shoulder.

Behind him, Eliott sighs happily and tightens his arms around him, pressing a kiss to the back of his head before burying his face into Lucas' neck.

"I love you," he whispers, barely louder than the sound of the running water around them. "So much!"

"I love you more," Lucas says, turning his head to the side so he can brush his nose against Eliott's cheek.

The silence is comfortable as they reach for the shower gel and take turns into washing each other. Eventually, they're both clean and the water has long washed away the remaining soap but neither makes a move to get out of the shower though. In here, it feels like they're in a bubble, shielded from the outside world, like nothing existed beyond the walls of the bathroom, like they were the only two beings in the whole universe.

But then Basile's words from this afternoon comes back to him and he can't shake them out. Yann and Arthur had reacted as if he had said an absolute atrocity but that's not how Lucas had taken it. He could see his point, he understands it.

He imagines them in a year or two or five as fully responsible adults and actively trying to have a baby. He imagines himself a taking a pregnancy test that turns out to be positive and then Eliott's reaction to it. He imagines his boyfriend lifting him off his feet, spinning him around as the two would giggle hysterically with tears of happiness running down their cheeks. He imagines the kisses Eliott would cover his belly with, how gently he would rub it all while telling their baby how much he already loves them, how much he can't wait to meet them. He imagines them already talking about names.

But then the dreams turns into a nightmare when he imagines himself bleeding the same way he did last Thursday. He imagines them rushing to the hospital with him clutching at his stomach in fear that something is happening to their baby. He imagines them both having a break down as the doctor announces them he's having a miscarriage, that he lost their baby.

"Lucas?" Eliott worries, tightening his arms around him, nuzzling his jaw. "What's wrong?"

The younger man hadn't realized he had drifted into his thoughts but now he's shaking and he can feel his eyes welling up with tears.

"Basile said something this afternoon," he confesses with a sigh as he turns around so he's facing his boyfriend. "And it sounds absolutely horrible but I agree with him in a way."

"What did he say?" the older man wonders, pushing off Lucas' face some hair.

"That what if I was somehow destined to have a miscarriage one day or another? Isn't it better that I got it already rather than in a few years when we'll be actually trying to have a baby? Or if we already have a kid and we have to tell them I lost their little sibling?"

There's no outrage on Eliott's face, just a pensive look as Lucas can tell he's imagining it just like he just did himself.

"I don't mean it's a good thing it happened," the younger man continues, shaking his head before bumping their foreheads together, "because believe me, there's nothing I wouldn't do right now to be pregnant and to have not lost the baby, but if it had to happen, then maybe-"

"I get it!" Eliott interrupts him, giving a sad smile, cupping his cheek and gently stroking it. "Like you said, it sounds horrible on the spot, but I get it. I do!"

Then he sighs and briefly looks down, taking a deep breath as if he was gathering up his courage to say something.

"I talked with Idriss and Sofiane and they haven't said but it made me think," he starts, looking back into Lucas' eyes.

There's something though in his that the younger man can't quite name. Anxiety, fear.

"I want to have a family with you, Lucas, but not at any price. I need you to promise me that when you'll get pregnant again in the future, in a year or two or ten, if the doctors say your life is too much at risk, that you will listen to them and not go through it."

Lucas nearly asks him to repeat what he just said because Eliott cannot really be talking about an abortion right now. He feels his nostrils flaring in anger and he frowns at his boyfriend, trying to pull back from his boyfriend's embrace but Eliott doesn't let him go.

"I know it sounds horrible!" he argues while something else flashes through his eyes; heartbreak. "But Lucas, if the roles were reversed and I was a carrier, would you let me go through a pregnancy that could potentially kill me?"

Lucas' anger dissappears as quickly as it had came as he thinks of Eliott's last words. Would he? Would having kid be worth losing his boyfriend, his soulmate, the love of his life?

"No," he whispers, shaking his head as realization dawns over him. "I wouldn't let you."

Tears gather in the older man's eyes as he nods slowly, pulling him closer.

"I want to have a family but I want to have it with you," Eliott explains gently, stroking Lucas' cheeks. "I don't want our kids to be all I have left of you. I want to raise them with you and I want to grow old with you and I want to buy a van when we'll be 50 so we can finally go to Kathmandu! And there's nothing that's worth losing all of this, not even having a baby."

More tears start to roll down Lucas' cheeks but he gets what Eliott is saying. His boyfriend's life is priceless for him, just like his own is for the older man.

"Okay," he agrees, nodding slowly. "Okay. I promise. I promise to do as the doctor say if it's too risky to go through the pregnancy."

"Thank you," his boyfriend whispers, bumping their foreheads together. "Thank you. Can I kiss you?"

Lucas nods but doesn't wait for Eliott to take the first step, instead leaning up to press their lips together. And as Eliott starts kissing him back, Lucas realizes that it might not be the first kiss they've shared since his miscarriage but it feels like it. It feels like taking a breath after spending too much time underwater. It feels like the first rays of sunshine after rain. Like the first day of spring after winter once the temperature starts rising. Like the sky after a thunderstorm.

Maybe their storm is over now though. Maybe it's time to look forward rather than in the past. Maybe it's time to start healing.


	4. Recommencer À Vivre (Live Again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you're all apparently satisfied with the format, we'll keep it with short but daily updates then 🥰
> 
> So I know I've been torturing you with the last three chapters but I promise good days are ahead 😉 Just bear with me a little longer
> 
> Now though, I have to ask you, are there things some of you wouldn't be comfortable with? Not just related to smut but to pregnancy in general. I've always held back a little when writing Mpreg but this time, I'd like to take it up a notch but I just want to make sure you're all going to be comfortable with what I'm planning to write. So please tell me if there's anything that you don't want to read ❤❤❤ It means a lot to me
> 
> Now I'll leave you to enjoy this chapter 🥰🥰🥰 Please enjoy it and tell me what you thought of it
> 
> Stay safe guys ❤💙❤💙❤

**Tuesday, October 28, 2025, 10:27**

Lucas feels like a hypocrite. He hasn't meant to hide his appointment to Eliott but he doesn't want his boyfriend to worry over nothing. He just needs to have answers to his questions, to be reassured that there won't be any long-term consequences to his miscarriage, that he's still fertile…

He knows he shouldn't have looked it up online but he thought he could find some answers there but instead, he found even more questions so last week, as he was walking home from the subway station after school, he called the hospital and asked Dr. Laurent's secretary if he could have an appointment with her so she gave him one for this morning. It was meant to be at 10 but apparently something unexpected came up and she would be a little late so he's been sitting down in the waiting room for the last thirty minutes.

Suddenly, his phone buzzes loudly in his pockets, once, twice, thrice, causing the lady sitting across him to give him a hard look. Usually, he would stare right back at her or ask her if she wants his picture or something. But that was before. Now, instead, he just sinks back into his chair, wrapping an arm around around himself as he digs his phone out of the pocket of his hoodie with his free hand, looking for who messaged him.

Sighing, he throws his head back and looks up to the ceiling as he feels guilt creeping up inside him. He's such a fucking asshole! After what they've been through together in the last few weeks, Eliott deserves to be here with him. But Lucas is a coward! So fucking scared of what Dr. Laurent might tell him. Terrified of what news he might receive…

Eliott deserves better than to be left on read though so with his hand trembling, Lucas sends him a message and then turns off his phone.

Right as he does so, the secretary clears her throat before calling out for him.

"Lucas Lallemant?" she confirms from her desk and he nods as he stands up. "Dr. Laurent will see you now."

He quickly thanks her and makes his way to the door. He takes a deep breath, trying to brace himself and then opens it, stepping inside the room.

Dr. Laurent looks up from her computer and gives him a smile as she stands up from her chair, walking around her desk.

"Good morning, Lucas!" she greets him. "Sorry for being late! There has been an emergency in the ER and they needed me!"

He briefly thinks about what could have the emergency in question that could have required an obstrician but then he shakes his head. Maybe it's better if he doesn't know considering his own experience at thr ER…

"Don't worry," he tells her as he sits down on the examination table. "I had guessed you had a busy schedule! I got lucky to have an appointment with you so quickly!"

"So?" she asks him, tilting her head to the side. "How are you feeling?"

Lucas huffs and shrugs.

"Physically, I think I'm good. I took the pills like you told me and I think they helped a lot! Mentally though, it's a bit harder."

"Give yourself some time," she says with a cautious smile. "Don't forget that it's okay to not be okay and if you ever need to talk, you've still got the numbers I gave you?"

He nods although he isn't sure where did Eliott hide them when they came home from the hospital that night. Probably well enough considering all Lucas wanted to do was to throw that paper away.

"What can I do for you then today?" Dr. Laurent wonders.

"I have questions," he confesses, wrapping his arms around himself.

He's wearing one of his boyfriend's black hoodies which is too big for him, making him look even smaller. The sleeves are long enough to for him to keep his fists hidden inside. Usually, Eliott's clothes make him feel safe, protected so he decided to wear it today so he wouldn't be totally alone at his appointment, it's as if a part of the older man is with him.

"I have questions and I've learned that the internet isn't exactly the most reliable source of information."

"It really isn't," she agrees, shaking her head. "Ask your questions then and I'll try to answer them as well as I can."

The first is probably one of the most important, it's the one that's been keeping him up at night.

"There really isn't anything I may have done that caused the miscarriage? Not even the beers I had with my friend the weekend before?"

"There isn't," she reassures him, placing her hand over his shoulder and squeezing it. "Like I said, it was due to a malformation of the embryo. Even if you had spent your whole pregnancy at a hospital being checked on every two minutes, you never could have carried that embryo to terms. Conception is a wonderful thing scientifically speaking but we still have a lot to learn about. I can't tell you exactly what caused it but it was in its DNA. Beers or not, you would have miscarried."

Relief washes over him and Lucas nearly finds himself in tears as a weight is lifted off his shoulders. No matter what Eliott has been telling him over and over again, he just couldn't shut that little voice in his head that mocked him, told him he had killed their baby.

"Thank you," he manages to say despite the lump forming in his throat. "Thank you."

She smiles at him and gives him a moment to compose himself. Once he's better, she motions for him to continue.

"I also wanted to know if I could have consequences of the miscarriage," he asks as he feels his stress coming back. "I've read that some people became sterile after a miscarriage and-"

"You said so yourself, Lucas," she interrupts him, shaking her head. "Internet isn't the best source of informations."

He feels a blushing spreading across his cheeks and he suddenly feels silly for freaking out over what he saw online.

"Infertility after a miscarriage can happen but only in a rare minority of cases," Dr. Laurent explains. "Sometimes, the scarred tissues in the womb caused by the miscarriage makes it impossible for a future embryo to catch there but we're talking about cases where people had a severe hemorrhage or were much further along the pregnancy when they lost the baby. We can run some tests to make sure if you want to though."

"I'd like that," Lucas admits, nodding.

He rolls up a sleeve of the black hoodie he stole from Eliott and hisses a little as she takes some blood from him. He's still not a big fan of needles even though he's now got a tattoo.

Once she's done, she puts a piece of cotton on his arm, holding it in place with a piece of medical tape and allows him to roll down his sleeve.

"It shouldn't take too long to get the results," Dr. Laurent as she fills up some paperworks. "I'll call you as soon as the lab sends them to me but like I told you, besides the usual six blessed months as I always say, there shouldn't be any effects to your miscarriage."

"What are those six blessed months?" he asks her, stuttering a little.

He can see it in her eyes the moment she realizes she's said it out loud and she looks up from her paperwork, looking surprised.

"Sorry," she apologizes, shaking her head. "I've got so many patients I sometimes mix things up. Those six blessed months are something I talk about with those who have been actively trying for a baby. I had forgotten you hadn't gotten pregnant on purpose."

"But what it is exactly?"

She takes a sip from her bottle of water before explaining.

"It's an interesting fact studies have discovered. We still don't know how or why but studies have shown that after a miscarriage, the risks of complications for the next pregnancy decrease significantly as long as the conception happens within the six months following the miscarriage."

And just like that, an idea blooms into Lucas' mind and he doubts he could shake himself out of it. Not that he wants to anyway.

It's more than just something he wants. It feels like a visceral need. Something he didn't even know he needed before today.

He wants to have a baby. And he wants it now.

He just got to wait until Dr. Laurent receives his results…

***

Eliott feels a little nervous as he parks the car by the conservatory, waiting for Lucas' last class of the day to be over. It's silly, he knows it. They've been on countless dates since they started dating but tonight is important.

Since the miscarriage, he feels like they've lost each other a little as they were grieving the loss of their baby. Tonight is about fixing that, making up for the lost time and making sure his boyfriend knows how much he loves him.

Eliott believes the worst has passed already. He's never going to forget this baby they've lost but he's cried them enough. He wants to look forward and he thinks Lucas is slowly getting there too. He went back to school last week and Eliott could tell finally getting out of their apartment helped him clean his mind.

Eventually, the doors open and soon enough, he spots Lucas walking out of the building. He immediately spots the car and smiles as he makes his way over to it but while he does so, Eliott can't help about what his mind drifts off about. It's not the first time his boyfriend wears his clothes, he knows just how much Lucas loves taking his shirts and his hoodies, he's once said it makes him safe, like Eliott was with him all the time. But it's not what the older man is thinking about as he sees how big his black hoodie looks like on Lucas.

No, he's imagining his boyfriend with a little baby bump. The hoodie would hide it for sure, at least until they would be ready to tell people about it. He imagines Lucas during his classes, instinctively having a hand over his belly, rubbing it as he listens to his teacher. Eliott already knows he would be crazy about this bump, his hands never leaving it for too long. Lucas would have to learn how to live with Eliott plastered on his back all the time, caressing the bump.

He shakes himself out of it when his boyfriend opens the passenger door and sits down beside him. Now is not the right time to be thinking about it. Someday, soon hopefully, but not now.

"Hey!" he happily greets Lucas, grinning.

"Hi!" Lucas greets him back before pulling him into a kiss Eliott eagerly returns.

There's something about the younger man today. Something he hadn't seen in three weeks. He looks...happy. It's in the way he giggles against Eliott's lips and threads his hand through the older man's hair and pulls at it a little. It's in the little spark he's got in his eyes when he pulls back from the kiss and bumps their foreheads together, smiling. It's in the way he finally looks alive again.

"I love you!" he can't help but whisper, brushing their noses against each other's. "I'm so in love with you, Lucas!"

"I love you more!" Lucas replies, giggling, something he hadn't done since that night at the hospital. "Now, as much as I love you though, I'm also starving so can we please go get that take out? I've been drooling all day thinking about it!"

Chuckling, Eliott steals another quick kiss from his boyfriend before turning the engine back on. He knows that the restaurant near their building is Lucas' favorite, that he could never resist their pasta. He's lost count of how many times they've went there since moving in together. All the waitresses there know their names as well as their order.

"Eliott!" Victoria, their usual waitress, greets him as soon as he walks in. "We haven't seen you or Lucas in a month! We were getting worried about you!"

"Sorry," he apologizes with a chuckle, scratching the back of his neck. "It's been a rough last couple of weeks."

"Oh!" she lets out as her face falls. "What happened?"

But then she seems to realize what she just asked him as she shakes her head, guilt flashing across her features.

"I'm sorry," she starts apologizing. "Fuck! I'm sorry! It's not any of my-"

"Don't worry," he cuts her off, smiling. "It's okay!"

Relief washes over her and she immediately goes back to her usual cheerfulness that makes Eliott think of Daphné.

"So what can I get for you today?" she asks him, practically bouncing on her feet.

"The usual," he explains as he takes his wallet out. "But on take out though, please!"

Grinning, she nods before hanging him the terminal. While he's paying, she dissapears into the kitchen, probably to give their order to Louise, the cook and owner of the restaurant.

Victoria comes back a few minutes later, holding a paper bag that looks too big for what he ordered. He must have made a funny face as she burst into laughter as she shoves it into his arms.

"You've got your dinner in there but when I told Loulou back there it was for you, she insisted on adding a few extras for her favorite customers as she said! So she gave you two slices of that chocolate mousse cake you take on special occasions!"

Smiling, he thanks her for the extra and promises that he and Lucas will come back soon before walking out of the restaurant. He steps into the car, giving their dinner to Lucas and stealing a kiss and then they're on their way again.

He drives until they reach their usual spot, a small park by the Seine. Eliott is not sure they're even allowed to eat there but they never got a problem in the years they've been doing this so he hopes they're not about to run out of luck today.

They sit down in the grass under a tall tree, just a few feet away from the water. Smiling at each other, they trade bites of each other's plate; Alfredo linguini for Lucas and a Bolognese spaghetti for Eliott.

Luckily, the place is not as crowded as usually is. The sky is clear above their heads but there's a cold wind that makes them both shiver as it hits them so they lean against the tree and the younger man tucks himself into Eliott's side so they're comfortable and warming each other up.

Sighing happily, Eliott wraps his arms around Lucas, pulling him closer before he kisses his boyfriend's forehead and rests his own head on top of his.

It feels good, like something has fallen back into place between them. He remembers people talking about the process of grief and its five stages; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and then acceptance. He thinks they're at the end of the road now, that they're ready to move on.

"Lucas?" he whispers, his lips brushing against the younger man's forehead. "I love you."

But his boyfriend sighs and moves so he's straddling his lap, throwing his arms over Eliott's shoulders.

"There's something I need to tell you," he confesses, looking guilty. "I skipped my classes this morning so I could go to an appointment with Dr. Laurent."

Worry spreads through Eliott's body as he sits up straighter.

"What? Why? Are you okay? Did something-"

But Lucas cuts him off by pressing his lips onto his, cupping his cheeks. Eliott instinctively kisses him back, briefly forgetting about Dr. Laurent or the fact that Lucas went to the hospital without telling him.

"I needed to go," his boyfriend explains as soon as he pulls back from the kiss, bumping their foreheads together. "I just needed to be sure that the baby wasn't my fault, that I hadn't fucked it up and she made me understand that there's nothing anyone could have done. Then, she ran some tests to make sure I'm alright but she assured me I wouldn't have any problems in the future."

And Eliott gets the unsaid part.

"To have a baby you mean?" he asks to which Lucas nods, the same spark of happiness from earlier coming back.

"We'll get to have a family," his boyfriend explains, grinning widely. "There won't be any long-term consequences to the miscarriage."

Relief washes over him at the news and he leans up, crushing their lips together.

Maybe that's part of moving on, to make plans for the future.

***

Lucas wonders if he shouldn't have told his boyfriend the whole truth back at the park, that it would be good for him to get pregnant within the next six months but part of him felt it was still too early. Maybe in a few more weeks, but not tonight. Tonight is about them. Tonight is also the first time they're making love since he miscarried.

It took him a lot to convince Eliott that he's ready, that he misses having sex, that he can take it and he finally agreed. And now they're laying in bed, already naked and lazily making out and mapping each other's body with their tongue, hands and fingers.

Lucas truly did miss this! He remembers how shy he used to be when they started dating, how he would blush whenever he would strip down in front of his boyfriend, and he feels a certain pride with how far he's come from then.

"Inside," he pants, pulling at Eliott's hair, trying to pull him off his cock. "I need you inside!"

His boyfriend smirks around his erection and slowly pulls back, a trail of saliva connecting his lips to the tip of Lucas' cock. The sight is nearly enough for the younger man to come right there.

"Not so fast, my love," Eliott teases as he kneels in between Lucas' legs, spreading his thighs a little more to make himself comfortable.

Still smirking, he presses three of his fingers against Lucas' lips who takes them eagerly into his mouth, coating them with saliva. Once Eliott deems them wet enough, he pulls them out and Lucas can't even find it in himself to be embarrassed by the needy moan he lets out.

"Someone's eager," his boyfriend teases him, slapping his thigh. "Don't worry though, I'm gonna take care of you!"

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he immediately presses his fingers against Lucas' rim and the younger man's back arches off the mattress, more moans slipping off between his lips.

"Please, please, please!"

For as long as they've known each other, Eliott has always been a tease, preparing him for much longer than necessary but tonight, it's just ridiculous.

Five, ten, thirty minutes later, Lucas can't tell exactly, his boyfriend finally takes pity on him and pulls his fingers out. The sheets are a pile of sweat around them and Lucas feels like he's going to come as soon as Eliott will push inside.

However, that's not what happens. The second he feels the tip of the older man's cock pressing against his rim, Lucas freezes and he finds himself asking, nearly pleading for something they haven't used in years.

"Condom!" he asks, feeling himself shaking. "Condom, please! I took my pill but can we use a condom just in case?"

Understanding flashes across Eliott's face as he nods slowly, reaching into their nightstand, looking for the condoms. Lucas isn't even sure they have some but thankfully, his boyfriend smirks and pulls out an old package. They had bought them in June when he had gotten an infection and the antibiotics were not compatible with his birth control. They hadn't used them in the end as Eliott ended up having an episode two days later and by the time he had been feeling better, Lucas' treatment was over.

The older man rolls the condom onto his erection and then slowly pushes inside Lucas, not stopping until he can't go any further. He then tentatively thrusts his hips and then forward but Lucas freezes again.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no! It feels wrong. Absolutely wrong. And he knows what it is.

"Pull out!" he groans at his boyfriend, hissing through his teeth. "Pull out!"

Guilt and worry flash across Eliott's face as he pulls out, apologizing for hurting him but Lucas shakes his head. As soon as the older man's cock is out of him, Lucas nearly rips the condom off, throwing it away, somewhere, it doesn't matter right now, and then he guides Eliott's erection back inside him.

"Bare," he manages to pant. "Need you bare inside me!"

Condoms just feel wrong after six years together. They hadn't even used them for three months after getting together so coming back to them now after everything they've been through together, episodes, college and now a miscarriage, it feels wrong. He thought he would use it as a security tonight, that it would make him feel safer but he was wrong. Nothing makes him feel safer than his boyfriend.

So Eliott slowly pushes back inside him and starts to fuck him deeply, brushing against Lucas' prostate each time he thrusts his hips back and forth.

It won't always be like that though. Soon, hopefully very, very soon, there will be no condoms and no birth control pills. Soon, it won't just be about them having sex but about them trying to get him pregnant. Lucas needs it. He just has to gather up the courage to ask Eliott.

But he wants to have a baby.

He needs it


	5. Besoin Viscéral (Visceral Need)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys are starting to heal and to look forward ❤ But one step at the time
> 
> Thank you guys so much for the support you've been giving so far 🥰❤🥰❤🥰 I swear, we're getting somewhere but we're going there my way and I don't have my driving license so there might be a few bumps on the road but we'll get there. I promise ❤
> 
> So please enjoy this chapter (I promise a lot more plot tomorrow, you are so going to hate me for it 😅) and please let me know what you think down in the comments 🥰
> 
> Stay safe and have a good morning/afternoon/evening/night, wherever you are 🥰❤

**Wednesday, November 26, 2025, 13:08**

Eliott isn't exactly sure if Lucas is purposefully dropping hints every now or then or if he's just being oblivious at how obvious he is. Eliott does know one thing though; his boyfriend wants a baby and he wants it soon. Very, very soon.

It started out not so long after Lucas had had an appointment with Dr. Laurent. His boyfriend started to always have a hand over his stomach. In his sleep, in the kitchen when he's stirring up something in a pot, when he's doing his homeworks, writing with one hand while the other is resting on his belly, when they're sprawled across the couch to watch a movie. Eliott wonders if it's not turning into a subconscious habit but he keeps his mouth shut though and enjoys the sight because it's in those moments Lucas looks truly at peace.

But there's more than that. Eliott has noticed the way his boyfriend is now eyeing anything related to children with something akin to envy in his eyes. When they go on walks, he keeps staring at the families they meet. At the mall he freezes outside of the baby shop and then pretends he simply got lost in his thoughts. At the pharmacy he gets fixated while thinking Eliott isn't looking at the pregnancy tests section.

But even all of that is worthless compared to the scene he's witnessing right now. If he needed any more evidence of just how much Lucas wants to have a baby, he just got it.

His boyfriend is down on his boxers and he's standing right in front of the mirror, looking at himself. Smiling, Eliott opens his mouth to tease him a little but then something happens that has his heartbeat skyrocketing and his smile widening. Lucas turns to the side and pushes his stomach out, suddenly looking like he's maybe two or three months along.

Eliott feels light-headed out of sudden and his legs don't seem so sturdy underneath him anymore but he just can't look away.

Not when his boyfriend smiles at his reflection in the mirror and rubs his belly, as if he was already pregnant and that bump was real.

Eliott knows this is meant to be a private moment, he isn't even supposed to be home already. Xavier had an appointment and had to leave early and as Lucas never has classes on Wednesday afternoon, Eliott had decided to go home without calling him so he could surprise his boyfriend. He never could have expected to see this.

He doesn't know what to do, or what to say. He doesn't want Lucas to feel embarrassed because he got caught like that or to hold himself back from doing something as simple as that but which makes him happy.

He wonders for how long has his boyfriend been doing this, hiding from Eliott. He never should have had to. He's always been beautiful to the older man, whether he's cooking and absently humming a song under his breath while moving his hips from side to side, whether he's laying naked underneath Eliott with his legs spread wide and looking like debauchery itself, whether when he's sick and he's got snot dripping down his nose, he's always gorgeous. But like this, with his stomach pushed out, looking pregnant with their child, he's just breathtaking.

They have to have a conversation about this because as much as he used to want kids in a year or two once Lucas will be done with school, Eliott is now rearranging his priorities. Maybe it's something to be expected after a miscarriage, but he wants a baby and he wants it soon.

Now smiling from ear to the other, he carefully backs out of the bedroom, tiptoeing through the apartment and quietly opening the door. He steps out, closing it behind him and goes on a walk.

He never thought it was possible to feel so nervous and yet excited about something. He wants to become a father! And Lucas wants the same thing! How did he even get so lucky?

But it's just not something they can rush into. They have to plan some things, make sure they're properly ready. Money won't be a problem. It's not like they're filthily rich or anything but he makes enough for them to be comfortable. Besides, he knows his parents will insist on spoiling them so that's one less thing to worry about.

Space now. Eliott loves their apartment but he knows they're going to have to move out. They don't have a spare room to turn into a nursery. But they've got time to figure this one out.

Lucas might still be in school but even if he got pregnant tomorrow, he would still have enough time to graduate before giving birth. As for after, he already was planning to work from home as a composer so it wouldn't make much or a difference for him.

No, he knows they're objectively ready, but he can't help but worry. Can he actually do this? Be a father? Having a baby won't suddenly cure his bipolar disorder. He'll still have episodes, he will be manic and then depressed. He doesn't want to hurt their baby or to scare them. Lucas might have chosen to be with him despite his disorder but this baby wouldn't get a say in this.

But then he can't help but think of Basile. His mother is bipolar after all and yet he loves her. And she also did a great job at raising him. Maybe he can do it too then…

Yes. Yes! He can! Is he going to be a perfect parent? Absolutely not! But that doesn't mean he can't be a good one though! He can do this!

Now grinning to himself like a madman, he sits down on the nearest bench and pulls out his phone, looking up on Google for pregnancy after a miscarriage. As he does so though, he absently reaches for the cigarettes in the pocket of his jacket. He slips one in between his lips and takes his lighter out but before he can light the cigarette, he realizes what he's doing and stops himself.

If they're really doing this, if they're having a baby, he has to start taking good habits and he's got to start now! No more smoking for him so he throws his cigarettes as well as his lighter in the nearby trash can.

Now, he just got to find a way to bring it up to Lucas. He can't just walk up to him and say he saw him admiring himself in the mirror so now he wants them to start trying for a baby.

Maybe he can start dropping hints too?

***

Lucas knows he should be honest with Eliott, but he can't help it. Part of him is terrified that his boyfriend will say that he's not ready, that he wants them to wait a little longer. He's not sure how he would react to it.

There must be a scientific explanation behind it, a logical reason but he can't be bothered to look it up. It's more than just something he wants, it's a visceral need that he just can't shake out.

He wants a baby. He wants to be pregnant. He used to want to wait a few more years so they could truly be settled before starting a family but the last few weeks have flipped his world upside down.

Miscarrying made him question everything. If he hadn't lost the baby and they had found out that night he was pregnant, what would they have done? They would have freaked out for sure at first but then, once the shock would have passed, he knows they would have been happy. It would have been unexpected but had anything in their lives been planned?

Eliott didn't expect to bump into him on his first day of school and Lucas definitely didn't know he would meet the love of his life there when he had agreed to go to that common room meeting so he could get Arthur's weed back from Imane. And yet today, neither would trade the life they've built together for anything. The same thing would have happened if he hadn't lost the baby.

But Lucas is done crying for that. Now, he's looking into the future and what he sees there is him and Eliott having a baby together. If only he could finally tell his boyfriend about it.

In the meantime, this right now is his little moment of comfort. It's stupid probably but to see himself like this with his stomach pushed out making him look like he's pregnant fills him up with a comforting warmth. He's got to remember that it's going to happen for real someday. That even if Eliott wants to wait, that it's only a matter of time then. He's not saying no forever, he knows his boyfriend wants to have children with him too, just not maybe right now.

Sighing, he runs his hand over his belly and tries to imagine how it would feel for real to be three months along like he looks like right now. He probably wouldn't feel the baby moving already. It would be too early. But in a few more weeks though…

He can imagine how frustrated Eliott would get at that moment when Lucas would start to feel their baby moving shile he wouldn't just yet. He probably wouldn't leave the baby alone, telling them over and over again to move for him, trying to bribe them into moving, even just once, just for him.

Smiling at his reflection, he puts his other hand underneath his stomach, cradling it as he keeps stroking.

What wouldn't he to do to be pregnant already…

What wouldn't he to do to feel their baby moving right now?

Finally, he releases the breath he's been holding and watches as his belly goes to back to its usual size.

He wonders what Eliott would say if he ever caught him like this? He knows his boyfriend wouldn't laugh at him but could he understand him? He would try, Lucas knows it, but would he manage to truly understand? Should he even do it?

He sighs and flops down onto the bed, rolling onto his side and wrapping his arms around himself.

He just wants to have a baby.

Is it too much to ask?

***

Later that night, they're laying down on a blanket spread on the roof of their building, watching the sky above their heads. Eliott sometimes wishes they weren't in living in Paris so they could look at the stars but on nights, all he needs to be happy is Lucas as well as the moon shining up above them.

They ate, showered and already changed into sweatpants and hoodied, getting themselves comfortable for the night. Then, they took blankets as well as pillows and brought them up on the roof where they built something nice and cozy.

Eliott is on his back with his pillow under his head while Lucas is half sprawled on top of him, a heavy blanket covering them both. Usually, they would have broughts beers or wine up there but there hasn't been any alcohol in their house since his boyfriend's miscarriage so they've got some water instead.

They haven't spoke much, simply enjoying the sight and each other's warmth. It's something Eliott already knows he can't wait to do when there will be three of them instead of two. He's going to tell them all he knows about the sky, the moon and the sun, the other planets and the asteroids, the stars and the constellations.

But maybe the roof won't exactly the best place to do so though. Lucas will need to be comfortable and the blankets they're using a mattress underneath them is nowhere thick enough for this.

Maybe if the apartment they'll move in has a balcony then! They could buy proper outdoor furnitures. Like a long chair and more cushions than they know what to do with. That would be nice!

Smiling to himself, he squeezes his boyfriend's hip, which he's been holding on to for a while and then slowly slips his hand underneath Lucas' romance hoodie, letting it rest on his abdomen, just below his bellybutton where their baby will grow someday, soon.

It's not the first time he's touched him there in the years they've been together but two months, this was just a spot to touch like any other. Now though, it has become special, a place to worship and love reverently.

He hears Lucas sigh happily where his face is buried into Eliott's chest and then his boyfriend covers his hand with his, intertwining their fingers together and squeezing them.

He imagines a bump underneath the palm of his hand, just like there was this afternoon but rather than to be because Lucas pushed his stomach out, it's because their baby is growing in there.

He already knows he will be completely crazy about it as soon as the younger man will start showing. He wants to paint this bump, to draw on it, to take pictures of it, kiss it for hours, rub it and talk to it. He will probably keep their baby as well as Lucas up at night because he will want to keep talking.

And after what he has seen today, he can tell his boyfriend will be gorgeous, a sight to behold. He remembers hearing about that pregnancy glow and he can't wait to see it on Lucas.

Eliott starts to absently traces patterns on the younger man's skin with his fingertips. Hearts, stars but also letters, spelling out some words that has Lucas chuckling when he realizes.

"I love you too," he whispers as he looks up and Eliott nearly immediately drowns in those big blue eyes.

He really hopes their children will inherit those from Lucas even though it means they will have him completely wrapped around their little finger.

Grinning, he cups his boyfriend's cheek, gently stroking it as he tries to say what he's been thinking about all day.

I want to have a baby with you.

I think we could start trying for a baby.

I want to get you pregnant already.

I saw you this afternoon and I couldn't this image out of my head so can we have a baby please?

"I love you more, " he tells him instead.

Tonight is not the right time but who knows? Tomorrow might be. Or maybe the day after.

But soon.

Very soon

***


	6. Amère Nouvelle (Bittersweet news)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what the title of this chapter says but believe me guys, we're getting slowly but also much sooner than you might think 😉
> 
> Also, this chapter was written while I was half-high on painkillers so there might be some mistakes in it 😅
> 
> So let me know if you enjoyed this chapter and tell me what you thought in the comments 🥰🥰🥰 I promise, we're approaching what you guys are waiting for ❤
> 
> Stay safe and have a good morning/afternoon/evening/night ❤❤❤

**Monday, December 8, 2025, 15:41**

**Saturday, December 13, 2025, 20:14**

Lucas shouldn't be surprised. After all, he's known Daphné for years now and yet, when he and Eliott walk into her and Basile's apartment, he can't help but jump a little at just how many decorations she managed to fit into it. There's Christmas lights hanging from everywhere, in a corner of the living room, a giant tree decorated with bright, colorful ornaments reaches the ceiling and gifts are piling up underneath it. On every wall, there's decorations representing Santa Claus, snowmen or reindeers. The air in the room is also filled with the thick scents of gingerbread, cinnamon and peppermint. It feels like stepping into Whoville from the Grinch.

"Hey guys!" Daphné greets them, looking even more cheerful than usual.

She kisses them both on the cheek and shoves Christmas hats on their head.

"I'll take that for you!" she tells Lucas, nearly ripping the container full of gingerbread cookies out of his hands. "You can go put your gifts under the trees next to the others!"

Then, she turns around and disappears into the kitchen, leaving them hanging, a little dumbfounded in the hallway. Then, in an unlike Félix fashion, he starts pulling at bis leash so Lucas lets him go and they watch as he goes after Daphné. They take a look at each other and promptly burst into laughter and Lucas throws his arms around his boyfriend's neck, pulling him into a kiss Eliott immediately returns, wrapping his own arms around his waist.

He's glad the older man insisted for them to come. As excited as Lucas had been all week about it, preparing a huge batch of cookies just to bring them tonight, he had gotten cold feet in the afternoon when he had remembered that he hadn't seen any of the girls since miscarrying. They would have questions about what he had done since they last saw each other and Lucas couldn't really tell them he had been getting obsessed with the idea of having a baby since he lost one, couldn't he?

"You don't have to tell them what happened if you're not ready," Eliott had reminded him, brushing their noses together. "But I think we should go. They're our family and it could do both of us some good to go out and have fun."

And now Lucas can already tell his boyfriend was right to insist on coming.

"Thank you," he whispers against the older man's lips after pulling back from the kiss, "for dragging me here and not letting me wallow down in self-misery."

Eliott chuckles and tightens his arms around his waist, a bright smile lighting up his face.

"Anytime for you, my love!"

Grinning, Lucas takes his boyfriend's hand in his and brings him along as they step into the living room where most of their friends are already waiting for them.

Yann looks relieved when he sees him, almost as if he had guessed Lucas would get cold feet about the party. He stands up from the couch and puts aside his drink, coming to hug him.

"I'm glad you're here tonight," he whispers, patting his back. "It wouldn't be the same without you."

"Thank your brother-in-law for dragging me out of the apartment," Lucas clarifies, smirking

Yann snorts and pulls back, immediately hugging Eliott too. He tells the older man something Lucas can't quite make up but it gets his boyfriend laughing as well as nodding so he turns to the rest of their friends.

***

"You take care of him, right?" Yann asks, low enough that Lucas won't hear him.

Smiling, Eliott nods and laughs, as if there's anything he'd rather do.

"I promise!" he assures the other man.

Soon enough, everyone gets there and they sit down around the tree while Daphné, who is now dressed as a sexy Mrs. Claus starts the distribution with Félix not moving from her side which is weird.

"And the first one goes to," she begins, picking a small red box wrapped with green ribbons from the top of the pile, "Arthur!"

Yann snorts from his spot on the floor on the opposite side of the room and Eliott immediately knows this is going to be hilarious.

Arthur takes the box out of Daphné's and starts tearing the paper, pieces of it flying around his head. He opens the box and for a second, nothing happens but then, he bursts into laughing. Alexia, who's sitting down next to him, takes a look into the book and starts laughing too much to Daphné's dismay who doesn't look quite amused. She doesn't even wait for Arthur to show off his gift, instead reaching inside the box and pulling out a plastic card, like a debit one. Her face turns as red as her dress and she looks up to Yann with a murderous look in her eyes.

"A gift card for a sex shop!" she snaps, sounding like she's two seconds away from shoving the card down his throat.

"It's not a sex toy!" he defends himself with a proud smirk on his lips, causing everyone but Daphné to laugh.

In between two fits of laughter, Eliott turns around and leans onto Lucas, whispering into his ear.

"That would be a good idea for us too," he can't help but tease.

His boyfriend's face turns the same color than Daphné but he giggles, shaking his head. They already own a vibrator but with the upcoming Christmas holidays during which they'll have nothing else to do but have sex all day long, then the timing would be perfect to try new things. Maybe even start to try for a baby if Eliott can finally bring it up to Lucas.

"I love it!" Arthur says, wiping the tears off the corners of his eyes as he takes his gift back from Daphné. "Yann, you're the best! I love you buddy!"

"Love you too, man!" he replies, smiling and nodding before taking a sip from his drink.

"We'll make great use of it!" Alexia assures him, winking before pulling her boyfriend into a kiss.

The next box happens to be for Lucas and Daphné glares around the room as she hands it to him but thankfully, she doesn't have to threaten anyone else as Lucas' gift happens to be a gift certificate from a nearby music shop.

"You're overdue for some new earpieces!" Alexia tells him. "You got yours when we started at the conservatory and you still have the same ones five years later! Believe me, you'll feel better with new ones and those they make there really are great!"

She's not wrong though. He's been thinking about changing them for a while but something always came up and in the end, it just never happened.

He smiles at her from across the room, promising to go take a look through the following week and they continue the gift exchange. The next one is to Idriss from Basile and Eliott's best friend bursts into laughter when he opens it.

"A subscription to a dating site?" he says between two laughs. "Really?"

Basile shrugs, a smirk on his lips.

"What? Maybe your soulmate is on there, just waiting for you to come in and sweep her off her feet!"

Chuckling, Eliott shakes his head and bumps his forehead with boyfriend's shoulder who kisses his forehead, wrapping an arm around him.

Next up is Imane and Eliott sits up, straightening his back as he watches her unwrap her gift which Lucas had wrapped for him the night before since, apparently, Eliott's gifts wrapping skills a disaster. To his defense, it wasn't THAT bad but Lucas did do a far better job at it than Eliott could have ever hope to do himself.

"A new stethoscope!" she exclaims as soon as she sees it at the bottom of the box, surrounded with red, white and green silk paper!

"I figured you would need one!" Eliott explains, grinning.

"Thank you!"

They smile at each other and then the gift exchange continues. By the end of it, only the biggest box remains under the tree and if Eliott followed correctly, it should be from Daphné to Basile and judging by the blinding smile on her face as she hands it to him, he must be right.

The box is just as big as Félix who hasn't left Daphné through the whole thing. It's wrapped in white paper with colorful dots all over and the biggest bow Eliott has ever seen.

"Open it!" she presses on her boyfriend, clapping her hands together.

Looking surprised by how excited she seems to be about it, Basile starts ripping the paper off the box and throws the lid away. Then, he digs his hands through the ocean of pink and blue silk paper awaiting him inside, drowning himself into it as he tries to find the gift in it.

Then, finally, he reaches the bottom of the box and several emotions flash through his face in mere seconds. Confusion, disbelief, but then it turns to pride, happiness and love.

"Really?" he says as his eyes well up with tears.

Grinning from one ear to the other, Daphné nods excitedly and when she places her hand on her stomach, Eliott freezes, feeling like someone has just poured a bucket worth of ice cold water over.

"I'm pregnant!" she proudly announces everyone.

And through the cheering that immediately follows, Eliott can hear the whimper Lucas lets out.

***

Lucas can't help the noise he makes when Daphné tells everyone she's pregnant. He doesn't want to be petty or jealous, if they've been trying for a baby, then they deserve one but after spending the last few weeks being as obvious as he possibly could about how much he wants a baby without flat out telling Eliott, it's too much for him.

Yann, Arthur, Idriss and Sofiane start cheering for the happy couple but then he can see when they realize what he's there as they turn to look at him with a mix of pity and compassion in their eyes and he just can't take it anymore.

"I need some air!" he tells Eliott in a tone that makes it clear he wants to be alone.

His boyfriend opens his mouth to reply but Lucas walks away before he can say anything. Thankfully, everyone has started hugging Daphné and Basile, congratulating them for the wonderful news so no one sees him walk out on the balcony.

It's snowing outside and it's a lot more colder than when they came it, almost making Lucas regret to bringing his coat but he doesn't care. He leans against the railway and let outs a sigh as he buries his face into his hands, feeling himself tearing up, being torn apart by jealousy and disappointment, heartbreak and guilt.

What a fucking asshole he is! One of his best friends is probably living the happiest moment of his life right now and yet, rather than to be happy for him, Lucas is out there, sulking because it's not happening to him.

Things would be different if he had just been honest with Eliott from the start rather than to just drop hints every now and then. Maybe his boyfriend would have disagreed with him, said that he would rather wait a little longer but at least Lucas would have had a clear answer.

He's pulled out of his thoughts when the door opens and he nearly snaps at Eliott that he wants to be alone but before he can do so, Emma and Imane walk up to him.

"What's wrong?" the former asks as she starts rubbing his back.

"We saw you storm out and Eliott was stuck in place, looking like a puppy that's just been kicked," Imane explains.

But there's no anger in their voices or disappointment, as if he hadn't made a scene. Just worry.

He wants to tell them he's fine, that it's just been a bad day, that he's tired, but his body betrays him and a sob rips its way out of his throat as tears start to roll down his cheeks.

The two girls immediately tuck themselves to his side, trying to comfort him. Emma keeps rubbing his back while Imane starts playing with his hair.

They don't question him though, just letting him cry his heart out on their shoulders, probably ruining their jackets with his tears and his snot.

After what feels like an eternity, he finally manages to put some order into his thoughts, just enough to explain himself.

"I went to the hospital back in October," he manages to explain, his voice trembling. "I had been feeling cramps all day and then in the evening I started bleeding so we rushed to the hospital and the doctor told me I was having a misccariage."

He feels a weight being lifted off his chest and he sighs, closing his eyes so he doesn't burst into tears again. He knows he could stop there and they would understand his outburst but it feels like now that the dam has been opened, everything needs to go out.

"And it was an accident, it's not like we had been trying or anything but since then, it has became all I can think about. I really want to have a baby!"

He then opens his eyes, ready to face their reactions, their judgment but all he finds is understanding.

"And what does Eliott think about that?" Imane wonders as a smile stretch her and Emma's lips.

His silence must be quite telling as Emma frowns down at him and pokes him in the ribs.

"Don't tell me you haven't told him about it!" she warns him. "You idiot! How the fuck is he supposed to get you pregnant if you don't tell him this is what you want? Haven't you learned anything since high school?"

"You say this as if it was easy!" he half-heartedly tries to defend himself. "What am I supposed to say? Fuck me and get me pregnant?"

"Yes!" they both answer in unison.

He sighs and scratches the back of his neck. He doubts it's as easy as they seem to believe but maybe they're onto something. Maybe he should stop trying to be subtle and be more upright about what he wants without sounding desperate either although he's got to admit that he's reached the point where he's not above begging anymore.

***

Eliott feels like he's being torn apart right now. Every fiber of him is screaming to join Lucas outside, to comfort his boyfriend but he also wants to respect the younger man's wish to be alone. Also, part of him is happy for Daphné and Basile and the other half of him is disappointed that he and Lucas aren't the ones expecting a baby.

This is it! Tonight, as soon as they're getting home, he and Lucas are going to have a long overdue conversation. He's been waiting for his boyfriend to take the first step, to be the one to bring up the subject but now he's starting to wonder if he did the right thing. What if Lucas has been waiting for Eliott to do it? What if he was scared of his reaction?

Not anymore though! Tonight, they're going to talk and clarify where they're standing. In the meantime though, there's something he can do.

"Congratulations!" he tells Daphné as he pulls her into a tight hug. "I'm very happy for you two!"

"Thank you!" she giggles, happiness radiating from her.

Then, he turns to hug Basile who still looks slightly shocked by the news but he's smiling so widely that Eliott has no doubt that he's happy too. He's wondering if they had been actively trying for it or if it's a surprise but it's not any of his business so he keeps his mouth shut.

As he's pulling back from hugging Basile, he sees Lucas walking back inside, followed by Imane and Emma who both got knowing looks on their face. His boyfriend makes a beeline for Daphné and Basile he hugs tightly, congratulating them.

His eyes are red and swollen like he's been crying and Eliott feels guilty for not going after him but there's something new in them though. Determination.

Smiling at the older man, Lucas takes his hand pulls him further away from their friends so they can some privacy.

"We need to talk once we get home," he whispers into his ear and Eliott nods.

They do need to talk but he's got a feeling they're thinking the same thing.


	7. Planifier L'avenir (Plan The Future)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost there fellas 🥳 Actually, we're already at a point you have been waiting for but the real fun is coming up soon 😉 and believe me, it will be fun
> 
> Am I nervous about the upcoming chapter(s)? Extremely! I know those who answered my question a few chapters back said they didn't mind me taking things up a notch compared to what I usually write but stil 🙈 Anyway, sorry for rambling 
> 
> Now I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, please let me know if you did 🥰❤🥰 Your support is what keeps this fic alive
> 
> Stay safe and have a good morning/afternoon/evening/night 🥰❤

**Sunday, December 14, 2025, 1:26**

Lucas isn't exactly sure of what he's going to tell Eliott but he figures he'll just find something. Besides, at this point, if he has to beg, he will do it. As long as his boyfriend agrees for them to start trying for a baby, he will do whatever it takes.

As soon as they get home, Félix nearly throws himself at his food in the kitchen and they both chuckle at how dramatic he can be sometimes, as if he had been starving for days while he ate just an hour ago back at Daphné and Basile's apartment.

"Come on," Lucas tells his boyfriend as he takes Eliott's hand in his and drags him with him to their bedroom.

They strip down to their underwear, throwing their clothes into the laundry basket, and the younger man pushes his boyfriend until he's sitting against the headboard so Lucas straddles his lap, throwing his arms around Eliott's neck. Sighing happily, his boyfriend wraps his arms around Lucas' waist, pulling him as close as he can.

"First," he starts off, making himself comfortable on top of him, "I want to thank you for how patient and understanding you've been recently. I know I haven't exactly been easy to live with."

"You don't have to thank me," Eliott whispers, leaning forward so he can brush their noses together.

Despite how nervous he feels, Lucas finds himself smiling at his boyfriend, still not understanding how lucky he got so lucky.

"I also want to apologize," he continues, taking in a deep breath. "There's something I haven't been able to stop thinking about and I didn't know how to tell you but after what happened tonight, I think I'm finally ready."

Eliott gives him a reassuring smile, gently squeezing his hips. This is it. The moment of truth…

"I want to have a baby!" he says, feeling lighter as soon as the words leave his mouth. "And I don't mean in a year or two or five. I want to have one right now! I know the timing isn't exactly perfect, that I haven't even graduated from the conservatory yet but I want to have a baby, Eliott! You have no idea how much I want it! It feels like it's all I've been thinking about and I-"

But he's cut off when his boyfriend lets out an hysterical laugh and crushes their lips together, letting go of his hips so he can cup his cheeks and deepen the kiss. Lucas gasps in surprise and Eliott takes the opportunity to slip his tongue inside his mouth.

Out of all the reactions he was expecting, this wasn't amongst them. He thought he would have a lot more convincing to do but Eliott already seems to agree with him. Is it really going to be this easy? Has he really been worrying over nothing for over a month?

"You have no idea how much I've been waiting for you to say this!" his boyfriend pants as soon as he pulls back from the kiss. "Fuck! I want it too, Lucas! I want us to have a baby together and I want it now!"

This time, it's Lucas' turn to giggle hysterically as he nods.

"Yes!" he nearly screams, crushing their lips together again.

He can't help but bounce a little from excitement on Eliott's lap and he can feel a part of his boyfriend getting excited too against his ass.

"Now?" he teases, pulling back from the kiss. "I haven't taken my birth control pill yet!"

And despite shaking his head, Eliott is grinning widely.

"It can take a few days for you to get it out of your system though," he explains, thrusting his hips up. "It can't hurt to start practicing though so by the time the Christmas holidays arrive, we'll be ready!"

Giggling, Lucas nods and lifts himself up on his knees just enough to pull down their underwear, setting free their growing erections. He then takes two of his fingers into his mouth, coating them with saliva before he starts preparing himself. He rushes it a little, liking the stretch and the slight burn he can feel when he slips his second finger inside himself next to the first one. There will be time for passion and slow and loving. Tonight, he just can't wait!

"Want you now!" he pants, pulling his fingers out before taking Eliott's erection and guiding it inside him.

They both moan when the head of the older man's cock breaches his rim and Lucas closes his eyes in bliss. He doesn't stop there and keeps sinking down onto it until he's sitting on his boyfriend's lap.

"Shit!" he curses, throwing his head back. "Perfect! Perfect! Your dick is perfect!"

It fills him up perfectly. Slightly burning and stretching beyond what he prepared himself for but just enough to be enjoyable rather than painful.

Eliott chuckles and thrusts upward, pressing the tip of his cock against Lucas' prostate, making him whimper needily.

"It's your ass that's perfect!" the older man murmurs, cupping it to prove his point, spreading the cheeks. "Fuck! You have no idea how much I love being inside you!"

Lucas giggles, feeling high a little, and throws his head back as more moans spill out of his mouth.

"Not as much as I love you being inside me," he teases, rolling his hips to meet up with Eliott's thrusts. "Shit!"

But his moans turn into squeals when his boyfriend manhandles him, rolling them over so Lucas finds himself laying on his back with his legs propped over Eliott's shoulders who's thrusting into him. The new angle does wonders as he can feel the older man slipping even deeper inside him.

Panting, he reaches above him for his boyfriend and pulls him down into a kiss. There's way too much teeth and saliva and tongue to call it a proper kiss but it's absolutely perfect and Lucas wouldn't have it any other way.

Soon, he shouts as he paints their abdomen white with his come and he squeezes around Eliott, causing him to spill deep inside him as he stumbles down on top of him. Lucas' legs slowly slip off the older man's shoulders, falling back onto the mattress.

They remain tangled up for a moment until they've managed to get their breaths back under control but then his boyfriend makes a move to pull out and Lucas finds himself whimpering, wrapping his legs tightly around Eliott's waist, digging his heels into his back.

"Don't pull out," he nearly pleads, his own voice sounding distant to him. "Please! Stay inside me!"

His boyfriend's eyes light up at his request but he nods, not pulling back any further. Instead, he slips back into him as deep as he can and Lucas feels like he could cry from the overstimulation. It's too much but it also feels so, so fucking good!

"I can't wait to be pregnant," he confesses, the words spilling out of his mouth before he can stop them.

"I know that," Eliott teases, leaning forward so he can brush their noses together. "I know what you've been doing! I saw you once looking at yourself in the mirror with your stomach out like it was a baby bump."

Lucas feels a blush spreading across his cheeks and chest. As much as he's been dropping hints that he wants a baby, he's always been careful to not do that if there was a chance Eliott might walk on him like that.

"I-I," he stutters, not sure of how to defend himself but his embarrassment seems to amuse his boyfriend who chuckles, shaking head.

"Don't worry," he reassures him, stealing a quick kiss off his lips. "You were so sexy like that! I cannot wait until it's real and there's really our baby growing in there."

Grinning widely, Eliott slips his hand in between their bodies, placing it right over Lucas' abdomen, underneath his bellybutton. Giggling, the younger man covers his hand with his and squeezes it.

It really is happening!

They really are going to try for a baby!

***

**Tuesday, December 16, 2025, 17:49**

Eliott had noticed that shop a long time ago. How could he have not after all? He's been driving on that boulevard every morning and every evening, five days a week for months after all. With its bright pink entrance and the colorful neon spelling the name right above the large glass doors, it's kind of hard to miss.

_Eros_  
_Sexshop_  
_For her and him_

It doesn't really fit with the vibe of the nearby shops which are mostly restaurants with terraces or boutiques but maybe that's what makes it stand out.

It's always been in the back of Eliott's mind that someday, he and Lucas would take a week off and would spend it doing nothing but fuck all day and all night. For him, it had always seemed like this would be the perfect time for them to try different things such as toys maybe. And now that it's coming up next week and that they have a goal in mind, well, now seems like the good moment to buy some things in preparation for that week of debauchery ahead of them.

It's not his first time visiting a sex shop but the one he and Lucas had went to to buy that small black vibrator that doesn't even work but that they can't bring themselves to throw away was a bit more subtle about its products. It looked like a very small pharmacy with aisles, white neons hanging from the ceiling, a very disinterested looking cashier near the exit and some soft love ballads playing on the radio. If it hadn't been for the name of the shop written near the door in chipped black paint, it almost could have passed for a tiny grocery store from the outside.

This one though is the total opposite.

He can't even tell if the sounds blasting through the speakers are actual music or just extracts from some porn with exaggerated moans and the sound of skin slapping against skin.

The shop is lighted up by spotlights similar to those he's used to when they go to raves and the first thing he sees as soon as he steps inside is a counter like in jewelry shops but rather than to have rings or earrings on display, there must be something like a hundred cockrings of different colors and material, from rubber to actual stainless steel. Each has a little folded paper next to it with its name, available sizes as well as a description. Some, however, also have a winking smiley sticker on it and despite how confident he's always been with everything related to sex, Eliott finds himself blushing when he realizes what it means.

Vibrating cock rings.

Well, he can understand the reasoning behind it though. He doesn't get to look at them properly before a saleswoman, maybe just a few years older than him, walks up to him, grinning.

"Hi! How can I help you?"

Eliott knows he can either pretend he's just looking and have her basically watching over his shoulder the whole time or be honest and ask for her help. After all, if she's spending her days selling sex toys, then she must know what truly is worth trying.

"Hey," he greets her, smiling back at her. "I need some advice today."

"Go on! I'm all ears!"

He chuckles, slightly nervous. She doesn't need to know everything either though...

"My boyfriend and I are planning to stay home for the holidays and we want to spice things up a little!"

It's the truth, just not the whole one.

"Are you already used to spicy things?" she asks him although he can clearly see she has something in mind.

"Not really," he admits, feeling himself blushing a little. "We used to have a vibrator but it broke after a few times."

That seems to be enough information for the woman, Léah as her name tag says, as her grin turns into a smirk, as if she was already imagining the commission she would make with him.

"Let's start with the basics then!" she begins, already making her way through the shop. "Follow me!"

It's too late to back out anyway so he might as well go with it.

He follows her, not sure of what are the basics she's talking about until she shoves a candle into his hands, startling him.

"The first step is for you and your boyfriend to be completely relaxed for what's coming later and there's no better way to relax than a good massage!"

He can't really argue with her on this one though.

"Those are an exclusivity to our shop!" she explains to him. "And they can be used both as candles and massage oils. See, you light it up, letting the aphrodisiac smell fill up the room. Then, about twenty minutes, you blow it out and you use the oil for massage. It will be at the perfect temperature to relax; hot but not burning either! We have a variety of scents you can choose from; different fruits or flowers, chocolate, cinnamon!"

Then she proceeds to make him smell each one so he can choose the ones he loves the most and he feels dizzy and light headed by the end of it. He picks a strawberry one as well as a chocolate before they move into the next section, hopefully this one won't smell as strong.

"Condoms?" Léah wonders and Eliott is quick to shake his head.

That would be a bit counterproductive considering what is their main goal of the holidays.

"Okay then maybe it's time to talk about the main act itself?" she suggests instead with a smirk. "What are you looking for exactly? A first BDSM experience? Bondage maybe?"

"More like some toys," he answers, blushing a little. "Nothing too intense or anything! We just want to enjoy our week together!"

Half an hour later, he walks out of the shop with two bags and his wallet lighter of enough money to feel like he just got fucked…

There's items he now wonders if he was right to buy them. Some will probably make Lucas laugh more than they will turn him on but maybe it's not necessarily a bad thing. He knows one of the best to increase fertility is by relaxing so maybe making his boyfriend laugh will actually help them.

**Thursday, December 18, 2025, 18:03**

With his arms full of the grocery bags, Lucas steps inside the apartment and kicks the door shut behind him. As always, Félix sprints to come and greet him and Lucas grins, putting the bags down so he can pet him properly.

"Hi big boy!" he chuckles as he runs his hands through Félix's fur, barely dodging the tongue he tries to shove into his mouth. "What did we say about the tongue?"

The dog excitedly barks and keeps on rubbing himself on Lucas for a moment before he's satisfied and lets go of him, going back to whatever he was doing some minutes ago which is probably abusing his poor squishy toys.

Eliott is doing some overtime tonight so he can take the next two weeks off without getting late in the pre-production of the show. The script is done and they're putting up the last touches to it so they can send them to the network and hopefully get picked up so they can finally move the next step after the holidays.

And if everything goes well, Eliott's project won't be the only thing moving forward.

He picks the bags up and brings them to the kitchen where he sets them on the countertop before he starts placing what he bought inside the pantry, the fridge and the freezer.

He knows they won't go out through the holidays so he wants to make sure they have everything they could possibly need for the next two weeks. He went to the pharmacy to get Eliott's meds and then to the grocery store.

Lucas is excited for what's coming. Three months ago, if anyone had told him he and Eliott would start trying for a baby so soon he would have laughed into their face and yet, now, well he just can't wait.

He's just finishing putting everything in its place when his phone starts buzzing in his pocket and he pulls its out, chuckling when he sees the messages.

It almost feels surreal that he really is having this conversation right now but he truly does appreciate that Emma really did research to help him and Eliott.

Then, he shoves his phone back into his pocket, smiling to himself. In a few months…

It's already been two months since he miscarried which means he still got four of those six months Dr. Laurent told him about to get pregnant. It might seem like a long time but Lucas doesn't want to take anything for granted. Nothing guarantees it will work on the first try or even the second one. Even for couples with no fertility problems, it can sometimes take months.

He doesn't want to take any chance so he might as well do everything he possibly can to maximize his chances, which includes another trip to the pharmacy for those prenatal vitamins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS, you guys wanna hear about the top of irony? Right as I was posting this chapter, my teacher emailed my class to say the rest of our internship was cancelled as she's pregnant 🤭


	8. Confiance (Trust)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Rubs my hands together* Now the real fun is starting 😼😈 So if smut makes anyone uncomfortable, now would be the good time to leave. 
> 
> So there won't be social media posts in the upcoming chapters since the boys will be a bit busy 😉
> 
> Believe me when I say I'm having the time of my life now writing this 😁  
> So please enjoy this chapter and let me know what you thought of it in the comments 🥰
> 
> Stay safe guys 🥰❤🥰❤🥰

**Friday, December 19, 2025, 17:02**

As soon as Lucas walks out of the conservatory and his eyes meet Eliott's who is waiting for him, leaning against the car, the younger man can tell it's finally time. It's in his boyfriend's confident smile, that spark of mischief in his eyes, Lucas knows that this is it.

Grinning, he walks up to Eliott who meets him halfway, pulling him into a kiss. Lucas immediately opens his mouth and his boyfriend takes the opportunity to slip his tongue past his lips.

"Hey," they greet each other, slightly out of breath when they pull back.

"How was school today?" Eliott asks, wrapping his arms around Lucas' waist, his hands coming to cup his ass through the fabric of his jeans. "Any homework you've got to do during the holidays?"

The younger man shakes his head, his smile widening as he throws his own arms around Eliott's neck.

"All free until next year," he replies, innocently tilting his head to the side. "And you?"

"All free too!" Eliott explains before kissing him again quickly. "Let's go home!"

Lucas doesn't need to be told twice, nodding before they let go of each other so they can get in the car.

He knows Eliott probably has every second of the next two weeks planned already and as impatient as he is to find out, Lucas doesn't ask any more questions on the way back to their apartment. Every answer will come to him in due time and for now, he's perfectly happy to let his boyfriend lead and to just follow.

As soon as they step inside the apartment, he feels the mood shifting. He and Eliott stare at each other, not even trying to hold back their smiles as Eliott slowly locks the door.

"I hope you're ready to spend the next two weeks in here because you're not opening that door until next year," he warns the younger man.

Lucas knows it's mostly just for show as they will have to go out with Félix so he can relieve himself and they'll also have to take out the trash at least twice. Unless Eliott is planning to do all of it himself and let Lucas inside…

"Bedroom!" is all his boyfriend says next and Lucas can't do anything but nod as he does what he's being told.

He hasn't been this nervous about having sex in years, not since back when everything he did with Eliott was his first time doing so. His first handjob. His first blowjob. His first time he gave a blowjob. His first time having someone inside of him. His first time being inside someone. His first time getting rimmed. His first time rimming someone. His first 69. His first time with a toy. His first time sending nudes. But he's used to all of that now and yet, he feels as nervous as if he was a virgin again.

"Strip!" is Eliott's next order in a tone that doesn't leave place for discussion.

Smiling and shaking a little, Lucas nods again and hastily takes off his sweatshirt as well as his jeans, underwear and socks, throwing them into the laundry basket. Eliott does the same thing and as soon as they're both naked, the older man pushes him down onto the bed, immediately climbing over him.

Smirking, he grabs Lucas' wrists and pins them down to the mattress on each side of his body, leaning forward so he can brush their noses together.

"You better make yourself comfortable because I'm not planning on letting you leave this bed anytime soon," he announces, like a promise. An oath. "Now, I want you to get comfortable and to close your eyes. I'm gonna go get you the surprises I bought you. Can you be good for me?"

Lucas can't help the whimper he lets out as he eagerly nods. He can feel goosebumps rising all over his skin and his cock twitches in anticipation of what's coming.

Eliott lets him sit up so he makes himself comfortable, like his boyfriend asked him, putting a pillow underneath his head and pulling the blankets back so he's not laying on top of them anymore. Then, he closes his head, taking in a deep breath.

Chuckling, his boyfriend places both of his hands on his thighs and squeezes before standing up.

The curiosity to take a peek is killing Lucas and yet, the older man's words keep him from doing so. To be good for him. It flares up something inside him he didn't even know that existed. A visceral need to please and to be praised. And if something as simple as keeping his eyes shut can get him both, then he can resist the temptation.

Eventually, he hears Eliott's footsteps approaching him followed by the feeling of the mattress sinking in between his legs. He nearly opens his eyes out of instinct but he holds back, not wanting to spoil whatever surprise his boyfriend came up with. And he's rewarded for it as Eliott puts his hands back onto him, one rubbing his hip while the other gives his cock some much awaited attention, stroking it for a few seconds.

"I see you were good for me," the older man praises and Lucas can almost hear the smile in his voice. "You can open your eyes now."

He immediately snaps them wide open and finds himself staring at his boyfriend who looks perfectly at ease, kneeling in between his spread thighs. The real surprise though is the two black bags Eliott brought with him. Lucas can't tell what's in them but they both look pretty full.

"Let's set some rules for the upcoming weeks," Eliott starts, rubbing his thighs. "First, I'm in charge so we do as I say and when I say so. Understand?"

Not trusting his voice to speak, Lucas nods excitedly. His boyfriend's words might be strict but he can feel the love in his tone and in his eyes. Besides, there's no one in the world he trusts more than Eliott.

"Good boy!" the older man praises, his smile widening a little. "Second thing now, I want us to find a safeword. I'm in charge but I want you to feel comfortable and safe through this whole thing so if I ever do or say something you don't like, or if you want to stop, just say red, okay? Yellow is if you want me to slow down a little but not stop entirely. And if I ever ask you for a color and you're good, just say green."

"Green is good," Lucas repeats, his voice betraying how nervous he feels. "Yellow means slow down and red is for stop!"

Seemingly satisfied with his answer, Eliott nods as his smile grows some more.

"Now, I just want us to agree on what we're going to do. Do you still want to have a baby with me? I wouldn't mind if you changed your mind or if you wanted to wait a little-"

"Eliott!" Lucas interrupts him, nearly panting out of trepidation. "If you don't get me pregnant soon, I feel like I'm going to die, okay? I want us to have a baby together! I need to be pregnant, okay? It's not even about wanting it anymore. I need it!"

Grinning, his boyfriend leans forward, catching his lips and pulling him into a kiss. He keeps kissing him until all the tension leaves Lucas' body and he feels himself melting into Eliott's hands.

"Now," he starts after pulling back, keeping their foreheads pressed together, "let's check out your surprises, okay?"

Panting, Lucas nods, holding back a whine when Eliott lets go of him and kneels back in between his thighs. His boyfriend smirks as he reaches for one of the bags, emptying its content on top of the bed next to him and what Lucas sees has his heartbeat skyrocketing.

The broken vibrator in their nightstand pales in comparison to what's right there.

"Why don't we start with this little thing?" Eliott says as he picks a glittery baby blue rubber ring, smirking as he does so. "Want me to put it on you?"

It's a cock ring. Lucas might not have much experience with sex toys but he knows this. And he also knows what's the point of it.

He must be making a face because worry flashes across his boyfriend's features.

"Color?" he wonders, leaving it up to Lucas to choose what they're doing.

Lucas is nervous. Probably more than he's ever been with Eliott. He knows he's only got one word to say and his boyfriend would put everything away. He would never hold it against Lucas.

However, as nervous as he is, Lucas is also curious. Curious of why people like that kind of stuff so much, of what could those things possibly make him feel. And in the end, his curiosity is stronger than his anxiousness.

"Green," he whispers, his voice barely above a whisper but it's enough for Eliott who's smirk returns.

Lucas holds in breath as the older man slips it around his erection, bracing himself, not sure of what to expect exactly. Eliott places the ring at the base of Lucas' cock and looks satisfied with it, his smirk growing a little.

It's not painful but it's also not really comfortable either. Lucas gets the appeal of it though. No matter how turned on he might get, how lost to pleasure he might be, he won't be allowed to come until Eliott deems him worthy and sets him free.

"Well?" his boyfriend asks and Lucas looks up, realizing he's been staring at his own erection. "What do you think of it?"

"I love it!" he admits, feeling himself blush a little at the blunt confession. "Thank you!"

Eliott chuckles and pats his thigh.

"This is just the beginning, baby! I have a lot more stuff I want to try with you! Candles, massage oils, different toys, some food too but I think it can all wait."

He then picks up a bottle of lube amongst the pile and pours some onto his fingers, pressing them against Lucas' rim.

"You're stressed right now but I know that you always calm down when you've got something inside of you!"

Eliott doesn't wait for an answer though, immediately pushing his fingers into Lucas who whimpers at the feeling. The stretch as well as the burn he feels right now is heavenly and he finds himself clutching at the sheets underneath him as he rolls his hips, trying to get his boyfriend's fingers even deeper inside of him.

He nearly shouts when they brush against his prostate and his cock twitches into the rubber ring.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" he swears over and over again, his eyes shutting close in bliss. "That feels so fucking good!"

He can't tell if it's the contrast of the cold rubber against his burning erection or if he's just being needy right now but his boyfriend's fingers aren't even nearly enough for him. Besides, it's not what he wants. What he wants is that thing growing and twitching against Eliott's stomach.

"Fuck me!" he pleads, still thrusting his hips down onto his boyfriend's fingers. "Fuck me please! I need you inside me! I need your cock, please!"

It seems to be enough for Eliott who nods, pulling his fingers out and Lucas whimpers at the loss but it only lasts for a moment before the older man replaces them with his cock. It stretches Lucas even further but he nearly purrs at the feeling, throwing his head back as Eliott keeps pushing inside until he cannot go any deeper. With the way they are now, Eliott's cock is not only brushing against Lucas' prostate but just pressing on it, making him go cross-eyed for a second.

It's too much and yet it's not even close to what he wants now. He knows Eliott will take care of him, that his boyfriend is waiting for him to let himself go, losing himself to the pleasure.

His last conscious thought goes to how, right now, Eliott is fucking him completely bare. No condoms and not a trace of birth control in his system either. If Eliott came right now, he could very much get him pregnant. And this is their main goal of the holidays. They're currently trying to get him pregnant.

***

The same thought goes through Eliott's mind as he pulls back just so the tip of his codk is inside his boyfriend before slamming back in. They're trying to make a baby right now. He's trying to get his boyfriend pregnant. This is what they both want, this is what Lucas needs as he said earlier.

And Eliott would be damned if he didn't try his hardest to make their dream come true so he quickens his pace, pulling back and then back in over and over and over again. Lucas keeps crying out, his eyes shut in bliss and his nails leaving crescent marks like all over Eliott's back.

He firmly believes there's nothing sexier in all the universes than his boyfriend when he's like this, so lost to pleasure that he can't even keep his eyes open anymore. His cheeks are flushed, the sweat making his hair stick up and Eliott knows that if his eyelids were open, his pupils would be so blown by lust he wouldn't even see the blue in his eyes anymore.

How did he get so lucky? To get to be with Lucas, to love him and to be loved by him, to get to try to have a family with him? Eliott must have been a saint in his past life or something. Or maybe it's the universe's way to make up for what he's been through as a teenager.

"Fuck!" he moans as he keeps thrusting into his boyfriend. "I love you so fucking much, baby! And I'm going to take so good care of you! Not just for the next two weeks but after too! Once you'll be pregnant! I'll give you all the massages you want! In our new apartment I'll run you hot baths with bubble bath and candles. I'll do all the chores and all you'll have to do is lay back and be pretty."

Lucas whimpers underneath him, digging his nails even deeper into Eliott's skin, making him hiss.

"You are going to be so pretty!" he keeps saying, leaning forward so he can kiss and suck and lick at Lucas' neck "I already know! I can't wait! Fuck! I've been dreaming about this since I saw you pushing your stomach out to look like you were pregnant! I don't even know how I managed to not just rip your boxers and fuck you right there!"

"Please!" his boyfriend pleads, opening his eyes. "Please! Please! Please! I need to come! Please! Let me come!"

Chuckling, Eliott shakes his head, causing the younger man to whine, moving his hips to meet Eliott's thrusts.

"Please! You said it yourself, I've been good for you! Please!"

"You were good!" Eliott teases, stopping his movements so the tip of his cock is pressing on his boyfriend's prostate. "But I know you, baby, and I know you can be even better!"

Lucas keeps whimpering so the older man stops moving.

"Color?" he asks.

"Green!" Lucas immediately answers, nodding. "Green!"

Satisfied, Eliott resumes thrusting into him and decides he won't keep torturing his boyfriend for too long. He keeps fucking him for a few more minutes and right as he feels himself falling over the edge, he reaches between their bodies and take off the cock ring. As soon as Lucas' erection is free, he nearly shouts, coming all over his stomach, clenching around Eliott and pushing him over the edge.

He moans loudly and comes as deep as he can inside his boyfriend. He feels his eyes rolling into the back of his head and he can't hold himself up anymore, falling on top of Lucas.

"So fucking good!" he pants, running his hands up and down his boyfriend's sides. "The fucking best!"

As he does so though, he realizes he just came inside Lucas, meaning…

"Do you think I'm already getting you pregnant?" he manages to let out, feeling a smile stretching onto his lips. "You think it's already working? Right on the first try?"

***

Lucas feels like he could cry. Not even an hour into their two weeks of sex and debauchery and he already wants to cry. The cock ring around his erection stopping him from coming, Eliott praising him, complimenting him about how beautiful he'll be once he'll be pregnant and showing, telling him how good he's being for him.

And now that his boyfriend has come inside him, it dawns upon Lucas that he could pretty much be getting pregnant right now. Gasping, he lays his hand over his stomach and Eliott immediately covers it with his own hand, squeezing it.

"You'd love that, baby?" his boyfriend teases with a smirk. "You'd love to be pregnant already, wouldn't you? Don't worry! We're going to make you are!"

Then, he reaches for something behind him, making a sound of victory when he finds it and Lucas' eyes grow wide when he sees what it is.

"It's a plug," Eliott explains, chuckling. "So that way you can hold everything in!"

The younger man feels the blush spreading across his face as well as his chest and he cannot do anything but nod eagerly. His cock even twitches between his legs.

"Yes, yes, yes!" he pants, tearing his eyes off the toy to look at his boyfriend. "Put it in! Please!"

The plug seems to be made of metal, maybe steel, and at the end of it, an obviously fake ruby.

"Good boy!" Eliott praises him as he pulls out of him, making Lucas whimper at the loss but it lasts only for a second before the older man slips the plug inside, nestling it as deep as he can. "Perfect!"

Lucas can't help the moans that spill out of his mouth. The steel is ice cold and the contrast of it inside him, making him nearly closes his eyes in bliss. Now he gets why so many people are into it. Even more so considering it's keeping Eliott's come inside him, making sure he's hopefully pregnant soon.

"Color?" the older man asks and Lucas bursts into a fit of hysterical giggles, feeling high.

"Green! All the way green! Fuck! Why haven't we done this before?"

Eliott chuckles and squeezes his thighs before reaching for one of the pillows, slipping it underneath Lucas' ass, lifting it up a little and grins, looking satisfied.

"Now it's perfect! I read online that this was the best way to do so."

Lucas remembers what Emma said to him about gravity so the position makes sense. He wouldn't mind spending the next two weeks like that if it assured him he would be pregnant by the end of it.

"So now you're going to just stay like this while I go make sure Félix didn't have a little accident on the living room's floor and then I'll show you the others surprises I bought you!"

Grinning, Lucas nods and watches as Eliott stands up, hastily putting on a pair of sweatpants before walking out of their bedroom, calling out for their dog.

Once he finds himself alone, the younger man sighs happily and places a hand over his stomach, rubbing it. He cannot wait until it gets all round with their baby, until he can feel their child moving inside him. But until then, he knows he's in good hands with Eliott.


	9. Optimisme (Optimism)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't throw tomatoes at me for this chapter 🙈
> 
> Lucas might have forgotten he was dating a furry but he's about to be reminded 😉 Seriously, I've been looking at an online sexshop to get ideas for the smut and once I saw it, I knew I needed to include it 😅🙈
> 
> Now, I need to ask you a question (AGAIN). I know this is an Mpreg universe so the "realism" is already out of the window but does this story being realistic matters to you? Nothing too out of this world, just a little something I just can't get out of my head 🙈 I'm sure some of you can guess what it is
> 
> Thank you guys so much for the support you've been giving me 🥰🥰🥰🥰 I will never say this enough but you're the reason why I keep writing. Without you guys, I'd just be screaming into the void ❤💜❤💜❤
> 
> So please enjoy this chapter and tell me what you thought ❤❤❤
> 
> Stay safe and have a good morning/afternoon/evening/night
> 
> BTW, can you cross your fingers for me? I have my second-to-last evaluation in the morning and I'll know if I passed my class 😊

**Tuesday, December 23, 2025, 18:27**

Lucas feels light-headed, dizzy even but he doesn't think he's ever been this happy before. The last four days passed by in a blur. Eliott hadn't been joking when he said he would spend the next two weeks in bed. Except for using the bathroom and eating, the younger man hadn't left their bedroom, not that he would want to anyway or that he could considering he feels sore all over. It's not surprising since a few of his boyfriend's various surprises were plugs. Different sizes, different materials, even vibrating ones.

This time is going to be different though as Eliott promised this one was more for him than for Lucas. However, it’s been almost 10 minutes since his boyfriend went to the bathroom to “get ready” and he still hasn’t come out which is starting to worry Lucas.

“Eliott?” he calls out, propping himself up on his elbows. “Are you alright?”

The only answer he gets is a playful chuckle.

“Don’t you know the best things come to those who wait? It’s almost ready!”

Lucas snorts, shaking his head, but he lets it go, laying back down. He wonders what could be taking so long but he knows he won't get any more answers until whatever Eliott is done doing whatever he's doing in the bathroom.

Not that he actually minds waiting though. Before leaving him alone in their bedroom, the older man had slipped a vibrating cock ring around him. The setting Eliott had chosen is not high enough to torture him but perfect to keep him from getting bored while he's waiting for his boyfriend.

Finally though, Lucas can hear footsteps approaching he smiles to himself as he tries to imagine what it can possibly be.

"You're ready?" Eliott asks him from just outside their bedroom's door.

"I've been for the last fifteen minutes!" he can't help but tease, reaching between his legs to squeeze his erection.

His boyfriend chuckles from and steps inside with a smirk. Lucas, however, is confused, maybe a little disappointed even. Whatever Eliott's surprise is, it's not anywhere in sight. It must show on his face as Eliott giggles and walks up to the bed, kneeling in between Lucas' thighs.

"What were you expecting exactly?" he wonders, trailing a finger up and down the younger man's sternum. "I told you this one was more for me than for you!"

"But what is it?" Lucas groans, pushing himself up a little. "I don't-"

But then, he finally sees it and he freezes, not sure if it's the hottest or most disturbing thing he's ever seen.

"Shit!" he swears, reaching for it. "I can't believe I had forgotten you were a fucking furry!"

Lucas then promptly bursts into laughter and Eliott turns a deep shade of red, hiding his face into his hands as he sits back on his haunches.

"It's not my fault!" he tries to defend himself, shaking his head, his voice muffled by his hands. "I wanted to get one for you but then I realized hedgehogs have no tails but raccoons do."

The plug his boyfriend has inside him is not what Lucas is surprised about. No, it's rather the striped black and grey fluffy tail at the end of it, like a raccoon tail.

However, Lucas' reaction must send the wrong signal to the older man as he drops his hands onto his lap and he looks truly embarrassed.

"Hey!" Lucas whispers, reaching up to cup his cheeks, pulling him down so their foreheads are pressed together. "I'm sorry, my love, I was just teasing you!"

Then, smiling, he runs one of his hands down Eliott's back and twists his fingers around the fluffy tail, playfully pulling at it a little, making his boyfriend moan as it moves the plug inside him.

"It was just a joke," the older man explains, the corners of his lips twitching up. "You can take it out if you want."

It's Lucas to turn to smirk as he shakes his head, pushing onto the base of the plug, pushing it deeper inside Eliott.

His boyfriend might be the one who's usually on top whenever they have sex but he always loves it when Lucas presses a finger or two against his rim, pushing them inside him so the plug isn't really that much of a surprise. And now that he thinks of it, well, the tail isn't so bad either. It's unexpected but he kinda likes it though. It's soft in between his fingers and he likes that he can tease his boyfriend by pulling at it a little.

"I think I'll leave it where it is right now," the younger man declares, chuckling. "But now I'm getting a little jealous! You've got something inside you and I don't."

Eliott's eyes suddenly light up as the mood is restored and he nods as he crawls over Lucas' body, slipping one of his hands in between their bodies, his fingertips toying around Lucas' rim.

"I think I've got something for you then!"

Giggling, Lucas crushes their lips together, slipping his tongue into his boyfriend's mouth as the older man quickly prepares him on principle before pouring some more lube onto his erection before pushing it as deep as he can inside Lucas.

He's lost count of how many times they've had sex since Friday night but it still feels as good as the first one. He doubts it could ever be anything less than amazing. There's something just incredible with giving himself entirely to Eliott, to give him full control, to just forgot about the whole world outside as if nothing existed beyond the walls of their bedroom. He's always thought so but the fact they're working on making a baby right now, that Lucas could pretty much be pregnant already with their child makes the whole thing ever better.

As Eliott keeps thrusting into him, Lucas can't help but play with his tail, smirking each time he does so as it makes moans slip off his boyfriend's mouth.

"I love you so fucking much!" he pants, moving his hips to meet Eliott's thrusts. "And I love having you inside me! Fuck! Come inside me, please! Please!"

Eliott shouts as he falls over the edge and the feeling of his cock twitching inside Lucas would be enough for the younger man to follow him over the edge if it wasn't for the ring around his erection. Whimpering, he tries to reach for his cock, to at least loosen it a little, just enough for him to get the release he so desperately craves but he barely gets to even graze his cock before his boyfriend grabs his wrist, pinning it to the mattress.

As gone as Eliott looks like right now so soon after an orgasm, there's also a look of determination in his eyes now.

"Did I say you could touch yourself?" he asks, causing Lucas to shake his head. "Did I say you were allowed to take it off?"

Lucas shakes his head again and Eliott smirks, now looking like a predator ready to bounce on his prey.

"Exactly! We aren't done here yet."

The younger man opens his mouth to try to defend himself but all that comes out is a whine as his boyfriend pulls out and immediately replaces his cock with one of the plugs they've tried in the last few days.

"Eliott!" he pleads, not being above begging. "Baby! Please! I'm sorry! I-"

But the end of his sentence turns into a moan when the older man turns on the cockring to a higher setting, making Lucas' back arches off the bed.

"Please!" he cries out, clutching at the sheets underneath him. "Please! Please! Please! I'll do anything."

Worry then flashes across Eliott's face and gone is the teasing look in his eyes.

"Color?" he asks and although red is on the tip of Lucas' tongue, he knows this isn't the right answer.

He's not scared or anything and he doesn't want for everything to stop entirely. It's just that he's beginning to feel a little overstimulated after the last four days.

"Yellow," he whispers, nodding. "Let the plug in please but take the ring off."

Eliott nods and immediately reaches for Lucas' cock, loosening the toy around it and as soon as he's freed, the younger man comes all over his abdomen, sobbing as he does so.

He can't even keep his eyes open anymore so he lets them drift close and his tongue nearly rolls out of his mouth as he starts panting, trying to get his breathing back under control.

He feels tired but also really good. They might be a lot but the orgasms he's had since Friday night are without a doubt the best ones he's ever had in his life.

"I'm so sorry!" Eliott starts to profusely apologize, his voice sounding like he's close to tears. "I'm so fucking sorry, baby! I shouldn't have pushed you like that! I should have-"

But Lucas isn't going to let his boyfriend guilt trip himself while he's slowly coming down from a breathtaking orgasm. He chuckles tiredly and reaches up, wrapping his arms around Eliott's neck and pulling him down. And maybe it's exhaustion or the overstimulation but he bursts in a fit of hysterical giggles.

"Stop apologizing," he scolds his boyfriend, peppering kisses all over his face. "You didn't do anything wrong. I swear! I told you to slow down because everything felt so fucking good I thought I would go crazy but believe me! I've never felt as good as I've been feeling for the last few days!"

Eliott lets out a sigh of relief, wrapping his own arms around Lucas, burying his face into his neck. Chuckling, the younger man runs a hand through his boyfriend's hair.

"Why don't we take a small break tonight?" he offers, brushing his nose against Eliott's temple. "My ass and your dick could probably use it and then tomorrow we resume the baby making operation?"

Eliott snorts and pulls back, looking amused.

"Is this seriously what you've been calling it? The baby making operation?"

"Isn't to make a baby the whole point of this thing?" Lucas reminds him, chuckling. "What else are we supposed to call it then? The hedgecoon operation?"

They both giggle and Eliott moves so they're now laying side by side, holding each other with their bodies pressed together. The younger man opens his eyes, no matter how heavy they feel to him, and smiles.

"Can you imagine what it would look like?" his boyfriend wonders as a smile stretches onto his lips. "A little hedgehog with a raccoon mask?"

"And a tail too?" Lucas can't help but tease, reaching for the toy, playfully pulling at it.

Chuckling, Eliott reaches behind himself and carefully pulls it out, throwing it aside before turning his full attention back to Lucas.

"A raccoon with little spikes then?" he suggests, sighing happily.

The younger man nods and giggles. Hedgecoon or not, it truly is what they're doing right now. They're working on making a baby!

***

Eliott can honestly say he's never been as happy as he's been since Friday. It's got nothing to do with that euphoria he feels when he's having a manic episode. This is what real happiness is like. Just him, Lucas and Félix. Like nothing exists beyond the walls of their apartment. And they're making a baby. At least trying to.

He knows there's no guarantee that it will work this time. It could take them weeks or even months for it to work but he's being optimistic though. By the time he'll go back to work and Lucas will start school again in January, his boyfriend will be pregnant which means they would have their baby around August or September.

He imagines that Lucas won't be too happy about being heavily pregnant and almost due during heat waves next summer though. Eliott can already picture him walking around their apartment wearing only shorts, showing off his round bump and warning Eliott that he better choose his timing wisely next time he'll knock him up.

The image makes him smile to himself, sighing happily as he lets go of his sleeping boyfriend, careful to not wake him up, and sits up. They had been cuddling with Eliott spooning Lucas from behind when the latter had fallen asleep. He had been fighting to stay awake for a while already so Eliott had just remained in that position despite how early it had been. Now though, he's starting to get tired too but there's some things he needs to do before going to sleep.

He stands up and puts on some sweatpants, not bothering with underwear, and picks up the tail where he had thrown it earlier. If only that was the silliest thing he had bought but he's still got even sillier stuff to surprise Lucas with before the end of the debauchery vacation. Although he's got to admit he likes the name his boyfriend found for it instead. Their baby making operation.

Chuckling, he walks out of their bedroom and puts the tail on the countertop. He'll just clean it tomorrow. For now, there's more pressing matters he needs to take care of.

"Hey buddy!" he greets Félix as he walks up to him, happily wagging his tail around. "I'm sorry! We haven't been giving you a lot of attention."

Félix doesn't seem to mind though as he tries to climb Eliott.

"We're trying to make you a playmate!" he explains, grinning. "A little best friend you could play with and protect! Would you like that?"

And as if understanding him, Félix barks excitedly, drooling all over Eliott's chest.

"Come on now! Your eyes are getting a little yellow! I think you need to pee."

And Félix immediately goes wait by the front door, scratching at it so Eliott grabs his jacket and puts on his shoes, tying up the least to the dog's collar before taking him out.

Thankfully, Félix doesn't seem to like how cold it is outside as he immediately relieves himself rather than sniff around as he usually does so they get back inside quickly.

Félix makes a beeline for the bedroom while Eliott locks the door behind them, turns off all the lights and closes the curtain before joining his boyfriend and their dog in bed. That great beast has already reclaimed his spot at the end of the mattress so Eliott lays down next to Lucas and is just about to make himself comfortable for the night when the younger man rolls onto his back, still completely asleep and the sight is enough to make Eliott stop.

Lucas has always been beautiful and he will always be but there's just something about the way he looks totally relaxed right now. Whatever he's dreaming about, it must be good as he seems happy, almost smiling. That's not all Eliott is looking at though.

His boyfriend fell asleep naked so the older man allows himself to look at him. Lucas' body has already changed a little. Not a lot but enough for Eliott to notice.

Since the miscarriage, Lucas stopped going to the gym twice a week. That added to the fact they haven't exactly been eating as healthily as they usually do make it that his stomach might still be flat but his abs are gone. Eliott likes it though, probably more than he should.

He already knows that he will be gone as soon as Lucas will start showing and that he will only get worse as his boyfriend's bump will grow with their baby.

Smiling to himself, Eliott reaches for his stomach and strokes it. He can't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, Lucas isn't already pregnant. After all, they have been having sex for four days already and each time they did, he followed that advice he saw online of putting a pillow underneath his boyfriend and leaving a plug inside him.

He had been so nervous the first time he had done so, scared of what would Lucas think. Eliott almost felt a caveman but his boyfriend's reaction hadn't been the one he was expecting. Lucas had been so eager about it, begging him to put the plug in.

And here they are, four days later.

"Hey," he whispers, tracing a heart with his fingertip over his boyfriend's stomach. "Are you already in there, baby? I really hope you are or else that means I'm basically talking to myself right now."

Chuckling, he lays down beside his boyfriend, pulling the covers over them but keeping a hand on Lucas' belly. It might be foolish optimism but he really, REALLY loves to think Lucas is already pregnant.


End file.
